power and authority command a greater amount of personal space that they can call their own. They will often distance themselves from other people around them. In the workplace, the "important" top-dog might have their own corner office apart from the rest of the workers who might be scrunched together in cubicles.

Confident people and people of higher status are comfortable going straight to the center of the attention while lower status or non-confident people tend to hover near the exits or the back of the room. University studies have shown that the students who sit front and center of the classroom received the highest grades in the class, while those who sat in the back and at the corner's of the room received the worst grades.

The goal is to approach as close as you can to the other person without making them feel uncomfortable. This will facilitate better rapport between both parties.

Are They Using Barriers?

Any inanimate object that is placed between you and the person you are talking with is an indication of defensiveness. A table, desk, pillows, drinking glass etc. that is set between you and the other person is an unconscious equivalent of shielding our body from attack and provides us with a level of emotional comfort from something that we do not like. A person who creates barriers between themselves and the other person is usually expressing deception, defensiveness, or ulterior motives.

Using Proxemics For Emotional Emphasis

Proxemics can be used in combination with other behaviors to add emphasis to the message. For example, if a person is angry with you and they invade your intimate space, then the perceived threat of their anger is dramatically increased if compared with the same person being angry with you from across the room. If a couple are in love and they are maintaining eye contact with each other from across a room, then the impact of that eye contact is much less meaningful than if they were inches from each other.

Where Should I Sit?

Side-by-side fosters cooperation. If you are trying to facilitate cooperation, then the best place for you to sit is by their side (i.e. to their right or left). By sitting to their side, we enhance cooperative behavior from them by conveying that we are not competing against them. It also points both of you towards the direction of the problem that exists, such as a report on the table, or research material that needs organizing.

Opposite sides fosters competition. Sitting directly across from someone, such as an employer sitting direct across from a prospective applicant with a table in between them, tends to foster a competing-type attitude.

Sit at 90 for good conversation. The best seating position at a table for a cooperative exchange of information is at the corner of the table. One person takes one side of the corner and the other person takes the other side. The benefits of this position are that: (1) It allows for both parties to enter into each other's personal space, creating a stronger bond than if they remained distant from each other. (2) It breaks up the stuffy formalness of the situation by moving you closer to them. The corner of the table adds a bit of psychological security for both parties by having a bit of a barrier between them, but it is not as much of a barrier as if you sat opposite one another.

Gender differences. A study done by Byrne and Fisher (1975) showed that American men generally chose to sit across from people who they considered their friends and American women chose to sit adjacent to the people that they considered to be their friends. Additionally, the study showed that men did not like strangers sitting across from them and women did not like having strangers sitting next to them.

Key Points

--Proxemics is the study of the communicative aspects of space.

--Entering one's personal space can cause them to feel threatened.

--Sitting side-by-side fosters cooperation. Sitting opposite one another fosters competition. Sitting 90 to each other fosters conversation.

--Using inanimate objects as barriers is a sign of anxiety, defensiveness, or deception.

--Approach as close as you can to the other person without making them feel uncomfortable. This will increase your rapport.

About The Author

Tristan Loo is an experienced negotiator and an expert in conflict resolution. He uses his law enforcement experience to train others in the prinicples of defusing conflict and reaching agreements. Visit his website at http://www.streetnegotiation.com

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