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  • Partnership: Choose It or Lose It

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    Show, these feelings and actions all seem real and solid. But in fact they are not. They stem from our blindness to system life. We see "stuff" and we react to "stuff." What we do not see is the context out of which "stuff" emerges. And so long as we remain blind to context, we are destined to continue falling into Side Show after Side Show after Side Show. And our and others' energy gets drained and we're into a we/them scenario. Much that seems personal is not personal, it is systemic; and only when we see and take into account the systemic nature of "stuff", can we avoid the Side Show and function from the Center Ring.

    Seeing The "Worlds" Of Tops, Middles, Bottoms, and Customers

    We all may live in a single organizational "world," yet within that one "world" there are many different "worlds" each with its unique characteristics.

    * Tops live in a world of complexity and responsibility -- lots of issues to deal with, internal issues, external issues, difficult issues, complex issues, issues you thought were taken care of but now come back, things that don't exist (policies for example) that need to be created. And Tops are accountable for the whole system. So when we are interacting with Tops, we are not just dealing person to person; we are dealing with someone struggling to survive in a world of complexity and responsibility. [Charlotte, take note: How might your well-intentioned, meticulous, detailed report, be experienced by someone struggling to survive in a world of complexity and responsibility?]

    * Bottoms live in a world of vulnerability -- higher-ups are always doing things to them: changing health care plans, reorganizing, shutting down operations, coming up with new initiative. They are always doing "stuff" to us. So when we are interacting with Bottoms we need to ask ourselves: How is this new initiative that seems so right to us going to be experienced by people living in this world of vulnerability? A great idea? Or Them doing it to us again?

    * Middles live in a tearing world, torn between above and below, between customers, vendors, peers. Often in the Middle world Middles don't have what others want from them. Tops want production, but Middles don't do production; Bottoms want the big picture, but Middles don't have the big picture; Customers want quality, but Middles don't do quality. So we may have what we think is a simple request of Middle, but to the Middle, not having what we ask for, it may not seem simple at all. When we are blind to the Middle world, we tend to see them as weak. In response to our "simple" requests, why can't they give us straightforward answers instead of I'll see what I can do.

    * Customers live in a world of neglect -- products and services not coming to them as fast or at the quality or at the price they want. Anything other than Customer's product, no matter how well intentioned, is likely to be experienced by Customer as More Neglect!

    Let me complicate the above just a bit. I have been treating these "worlds" as fixed positions, as if there are Tops, Middles, Bottoms, and Customers, and you are one or the other. In reality, most of us in organizational life are in all of those positions at varying times, at times struggling to survive in the world of complexity and responsibility, at other times vulnerability, at other times tearing, and in still other times neglect.

    Guidelines for Staying in the Center Ring

    * Have empathy for others; chances are they, like you, are struggling to survive in their "worlds."

    * Instead of making up stories, get curious about other people's worlds; try to understand the context of the "stuff" coming your way.

    * Stay focused on your good intention; don't be pulled off by the "stuff." (Easy to say, difficult to do.)

    * Be strategic; take the others' worlds into account. [How might Charlotte have used her understanding of the complexity of the Top world to get a better hearing for her report?]

    * The transformative notion is this: When we are caught up in the Side Show, what we want is for other people to ease our condition; when what need to do is ease the condition of others in order to make it possible, easier, for them to do what we need them to do. A key element of our strategy needs to focus on reducing the complexity of Tops, reducing the vulnerability of Bottoms, reducing the tearing on Middles, and reducing the neglect of Customers.

    Conclusion

    The Side Show is costly; it destroys potentially productive partnerships, it focuses energy in non-productive directions. The Side Show is predictable, but

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