英语短文

健康短文 | 情商短文 | 生活短文 | 保健短文 | 家庭短文 | 健身短文 | 文化短文 | 市场营销 | 爱情短文 | 生活窍门

数据恢复 电子书 电脑硬件 个人技能 网络安全 电脑软件 网络资讯 视屏短文 音频短文 网络电话 网络营销 视频会议 手机短文 卫星电视

The 31 Types of Facebook Users

kira86 于2012-01-03发布 l 已有人浏览
增大字体 减小字体
Which one (or more) are (or aren't) you? The Insipid Ingratiator.?No observation is too banal for

facebook_users.jpg
Which one (or more) are (or aren’t) you?

The Insipid Ingratiator.
?No observation is too banal for you to share with the Facebook hive mind, which absolutely?has?to know that your son fell asleep eating honey-cheese curls and see the photograph that proves it. Whyshouldn’t?the world know that hot tea is soothing your sore throat? Why?nottell everybody on your Friend list that you’re tickled pink by an unspecified decades-old?Carol Burnett Show?punch line?

The Non-Sequitur Enthusiast.?You delight in posting specious in-jokes on other people’s Walls.

The Narcissist.?You go to Facebook to post about stuff, and occasionally respond to folks who respond to?your?posts—and that’s it.

The Bashful Gourmet.?You make meals, but before you consume them, you carefully photograph them and post the photographs.

The Milquetoast Gamer.?Your Wall—and the Walls of your peeps—are littered with cutesy, colorful posts representative of incessant exchanges of virtual favors and digital currency. If any of you read?Amusing Ourselves To Death, the book’s relevance to what you’re pretending is real life would go way, way over your heads.

The Archivist.?You’re the Indiana Jones of under-the-radar musical treasures perpetually and unfairly flying under the Internet radar, and YouTube is your medium.

The Aspirationist.?You desperately want other people to realize their goals, to find happiness and inner peace, and you’re not trying to sell anything.

The Bible Belter.?Pretty much the same as above, only you’ve got a Holy Bible app on your iPhone instead of a Buddha Machine app.

The Shy Retirer.?You know those people who loiter on the fringes of a party or conversation and contribute so little that they might as well not even be there? This type of Facebook user is even more of a non-entity, with weeks or months elapsing between blips of activity.

The Crusader.?You’re hoping against hope that others will be willing to sign this petition or peruse that Amnesty International article, and there’s more where that came from.

The Musician.?You’ve got a show coming up, or several, with other musicians.

The Loquacious Wonder.?You hold forth more in a single, sustained comment string than you do with members of your own immediate family.?

The Reveler.?You faithfully wish?every last Facebook friend?a happy birthday,on the day, every?year—including the Facebook friends you friended?by mistake?and the ones you don’t really even?like?and the ones who are, like, acquaintances of acquaintances whose hopes, dreams, and offline machinations are of no actual concern to you.

The Absentee Landlord.?You created a Facebook account that you never, ever use.

The Slumlord.?You created a Facebook account that you never, ever use, but you’ve got friends who post stuff on your Wall that you can’t be bothered to respond to.

The Friendster.?Your Wall is a litany of you becoming friends with other Facebook users and nothing else whatsoever.

The Ghost.?What?profile??What?recent posts? What are favorites?

The Bartlett’s Unfamiliar Inanities.?You enjoy mad-libbing shopworn phrases into Dadaist nonsense.

The Mad Dog.?In the 1980s, assholes flaunted?Totally Gross Jokes?books. In the 1990s and most of the 2000s, assholes buried email inboxes in misogynist, xenophobic mass forwards. Today, assholes run wild on Facebook. Don’t be an asshole.

The Dick.?This world is so full of possibility; there are mountains to be climbed, books to be read and written, soup kitchens to volunteer at, adventures to embark on, dreams to realize, and so much more—and yet, thousands of people “like” entities at the polar opposite of their personal beliefs so they can spar vociferously about politics and stupid bullshit semi-anonymously online with people they’ll never meet. Comment-section flame wars: they’re not just for blogs.

The Borrower.?You want to know if somebody can loan you something or give you a ride or recommend something, or if somebody knows someone else who can hook you up.

The Giver.?You want to give something away, like tickets.

The Indifferent Misspeller.?You’re of the opinion that a casual approach to grammar confers an authentic sincerity.

The On-Location Correspondent.?You want everybody to know where you are eating or enjoying live music, and with whom, but you have precious little else to volunteer about what’s supposed to be so thrilling and fun that youhad?to tell everybody you were doing it.

The Cross-Platform Self-Promoter.?You regularly update your blog, and you regularly post to Facebook for no other reason than to announce that you updated your blog.

The Pro Scribe.?You write articles and interview notable personalities for online publications, and you occasionally post to Facebook for no other reason than to let people know that you’ve written a new article or interviewed a notable personage for one of these publications.

The Curator.?Because there’s no reason that one’s Wall can’t double as a schizophrenic, temporally twisted art gallery, minus the Brie and white wine, you fill that void, continuously, obnoxiously, and obsessively.

The Town Crier.?Airing private business in painfully pointed detail on Facebook feels cathartic for a couple seconds, until other people actually read it.

The Lothario.?You caption all YouTube posts with “for a girl,” without bothering to say who the girl in question is.

The Provocateur.?You post short, unspecific phrases or sentences that are designed to either provoke responses or relate to some recent-ish offline circumstance familiar to a privileged few.

The Machine-Gunning Serial Liker.?Self-explanatory.

 1 2 下一页

相关英语学习内容facebook

本文评论
您还能输入300

更多>>保健短文最新更新

更多>>Network最新更新

更多>>英语短文最新推荐

英语短文阅读排行