The Complete Idiot Guide to Amazing Sex
| 载入中... |
Part 2 SECRETS FROM BELOW THE BELT
Whether you love it or hate it, your body is what carries you through this life. Hating it only works against you, making you more inhibited. Loving your body can liberate you—and make you a more amazing lover. In this part, you'll learn how to get naked, get over your inhibitions, and really take a look at your glorious body. You'll even learn all the basic biological info about how your sex organs work. The more you know about your body, the more your body will respond, and the more pleasure you'll experience. Understanding exactly how all those private parts operate will help you become better acquainted with your own—and your partner's—body. Learning about your sexual response will help you know what feelings to expect and when, and may even help you improve your orgasms! Finally, in this part, you'll get tips on a lot of fun ways to masturbate—as if you don't already know! Your body is yours to learn about, enjoy, and play with.
Chapter 6 Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
Naomi Campbell prances down the runway in her perfectly fitting size 4 swim suit and her 4'' stilettos as a young woman who's watching switches off the VH1 fashion special and turns to look in the mirror. “I will never look like that,” she pouts. She feels depressed about her weight, her thighs, the size of her breasts, and the shape of her butt. Instead of trying to reassure her that she is beautiful, her boyfriend is on the floor doing push-ups, motivated from seeing the great pecs on the guys on Melrose Place (not that he was really looking). What's a person to do? How can we learn to love our bodies and feel sexy?
Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, yet this diversity is rarely seen as positive. We are constantly bombarded by images of models as the ideals of sexiness and attractiveness. We put enormous pressure on ourselves to look good and to be sexy. Then we look in the mirror and we feel disappointed because what we see doesn't measure up to the images in our minds.
Learning to love your body is the key to feeling freer and less inhibited sexually and, ultimately, to improving your sex life. Part of having amazing sex is being able to be
Page 58
comfortable when you are nude, and able to be in any sexual position without feeling self-conscious. If you're worried about how your butt, thighs, chest, or sex organs look, you're probably not getting into the sex. Your mind should not be preoccupied with worrying about what you look like during sex. You should feel free during sex so that you can enjoy the moment. Therefore, if you have a poor body image, you need to work on improving it in order to have amazing sex.
Am I the Only One Who Hates My Body?
“Turn off the lights before you come to bed.” That's an ordinary request that millions of people make every night. The problem with it, however, is that it means that you are probably too ashamed of your nude body to have sex with the lights on.
In this society of Butt Busters, Slim Fast, and health clubs on every corner, we have been told that we not only can but that we should improve our bodies—rather than learning to love our bodies just the way they are. Yet you can avoid falling victim to fads and false images if you start developing a positive body image now. If you feel good about your body, then you can feel closer to your partner, because you can reveal all of yourself and feel at ease during sex, with or without the lights on.
One of the keys to learning to love the way you look is to try to look at yourself without comparing yourself to other people. Keep this in mind: The only people who look like supermodels are supermodels. Because there are only a dozen or so supermodels in the world, the rest of us look, well, super-ordinary. When you compare yourself unfavorably to others, your body image takes a beating. When you learn to love yourself for your body, not in comparison to others, you're doing wonders for your self-esteem, too.
Both women and men are unhappy with their bodies, yet women usually have more body image issues because they are exposed to more pressure by media images. We seldom hear famous men being criticized about the way they look, but female celebrities are almost always publicly criticized. You have probably heard some fashion or movie critic comment that Kate Winslet, the actress who starred in Titanic, should get into shape to stay slim, but you have probably never heard anyone comment that Leonardo DiCaprio is a little scrawny and should try to build some muscle. While some men still feel pressure to bulk up, trim down, and get “cut,” women are held to a much stricter standard.
One of the biggest issues that people stress out about is their weight. Many people get caught in a trap, where weight and self-esteem go up and down like a yo-yo. They become consumed by their need to diet or workout, and even hold themselves back until they look like their ideal. The desire to achieve an unattainable “ideal” body may lead to excessive and dangerous dieting or exercise. For some people, this relentless pursuit of thinness becomes so extreme that it leads to anorexia nervosa or bulimia, which are dangerous and unhealthy eating disorders. If you have these severe problems, you need to talk to a therapist. Also, check out Appendix B of this book for the phone number of an organization that may be able to help.
Besides weight, there are so many things that people scrutinize and dislike about their bodies. From feet to chests to noses, most people want to change something about their bodies. For women, the areas that they most commonly dislike are their thighs, hips, and butt. Men most often do not like their abdomens. No matter what part you don't like, perhaps you should improve your body image.
Do You Need to Improve the Way You Feel About Your Body?
Sure, it's true that the first thing most of us notice about each other is physical appearances. Understandably, if you are single, you want to look good to attract a potential partner. However, being too hung up on your appearance can
