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Tropic of Cancer[北回归线][En/Cn]

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第3节

菲尔莫一定觉察到了我的心思,也明白整夜坐着看别人于是多么难捱,他突然从衣袋里掏出一张一百法郎的票子,把它摔在我面前。他说,“瞧,你大概比我们其他人更需要嫖一回。拿着这钱,自己去挑一个吧。”不知为什么,他摔钱的动作比他为我做过的任何事情都更加叫我觉得他可亲,而他为我做的已经很多了。盛情难却,我收下这笔钱,马上打手势叫那黑姑娘做好再睡一次的准备。这好像使公主怒不可遏,她质问我这儿是不是除了这个黑女人以外就再没有一个我们看得上的姑娘。我直截了当地告诉她“没有”,实情也的确如此—这个黑女人是这座窑子的皇后。只要瞧她一眼你就会起兴,她的两只眼睛像是在精液里泡过一样,所有这些想同她睡的要求弄得她飘飘然,至少据我看她已经不会直直地走路了。跟在她身后爬上弯弯曲曲的窄楼梯时我无法抑制要把手伸进她两腿间去的诱惑,我们就这样一直上了楼。她回头朝我嫣然一笑,每当我的手把她弄得太痒了她便微微扭扭屁股。

Fillmore must have sensed how I felt, and what an ordeal it was to sit and look on all night, for suddenly he pulled a hundred franc note out of his pocket and slapping it in front of me, he said: "Look here, you probably need a lay more than any of us. Take that and pick someone out for yourself." Somehow that gesture endeared him more to me than anything he had ever done for me, and he had done considerable. I accepted the money in the spirit it was given and promptly signaled to the Negress to get ready for another lay. That enraged the princess more than anything, it appeared. She wanted to know if there wasn't anyone in the place good enough for us except this Negress. I told her bluntly NO. And it was so – the Negress was the queen of the harem. You had only to look at her to get an erection. Her eyes seemed to be swimming in sperm. She was drunk with all the demands made upon her. She couldn't walk straight any more – at least it seemed that way to me. Going up the narrow winding stairs behind her I couldn't resist the temptation to slide my hand up her crotch; we continued up the stairs that way, she looking back at me with a cheerful smile and wiggling her ass a bit when it tickled her too much.

 

  到处都是欢快聚会的人,人人都很快活,玛莎情绪也不错。于是第二天晚上她喝光了走量的香槟,吃完了鱼子酱,又给我们讲述了一段自己的身世之后,菲尔莫便去制服她了。看来这一回他最终要如愿以偿了,她不再挣扎,叉开两条腿躺着,听任他不停地玩弄。后来他刚刚爬到她身上,她才漫不经心地告诉他自己有淋病于是菲尔莫像根圆木头似的从公主身上滚下来,我听见他在厨房里寻找那块只有特殊情况下才用的黑肥皂。

It was a good session all around. Everyone was happy. Macha seemed to be in a good mood too. And so the next evening, after she had had her ration of champagne and caviar, after she had given us another chapter out of the history of her life, Fillmore went to work on her. It seemed as though he was going to get his reward at last. She had ceased to put up a fight any more. She lay back with her legs apart and she let him fool around and fool around and then, just as he was climbing over her, just as he was going to slip it in, she informs him nonchalantly that she has a dose of clap. He rolled off her like a log. I heard him fumbling around in the kitchen for the black soap he used on special occasions,

 

  过了几秒钟他双手捏着一块毛巾站在我床前说—“你能想到吗?这个婊子养的公主有淋病!”看来他吓坏了,这时公主却在用力啃苹果,读俄文报纸,她认为这是一个很有意思的玩笑。她躺在床上,通过敞开的门对我们说,“还有比这更糟糕的事呢。”

and in a few moments he was standing by my bed with a towel in his hands and saying – "can you beat that? that son of a bitch of a princess has the clap!" He seemed pretty well scared about it. The princess meanwhile was munching an apple and calling for her Russian newspapers. It was quite a joke to her. "There are worse things than that," she said, lying there in her bed and talking to us through the open door.

 

  菲尔莫最终也把此事看作一个玩笑,他又打开一瓶安如葡萄酒,替自己倒了一杯,一饮而荆这时才凌晨一点,于是他又坐下跟我聊了一会儿。他告诉我,这样一件区区小事挡不住他。他当然要小心些……他在勒阿弗尔染上的老病还没有全好。他已记不得这病是怎么染上的了。有时一喝醉酒他就忘了洗洗身子。

Finally Fillmore began to see it as a joke too and opening another bottle of Anjou he poured out a drink for himself and quaffed it down. It was only about one in the morning and so he sat there talking to me for a while. He wasn't going to be put off by a thing like that, he told me. Of course, he had to be careful… there was the old dose which had come on in Le Havre. He couldn't remember any more how that happened. Sometimes when he got drunk he forgot to wash himself.

 

  这并不很可怕,可是谁也说不上今后病情会如何发展。他并不想叫别人按摩他的摄护腺,不,他不喜欢那样。他头一回得花柳病还是在大学里,不知道是哪个姑娘传给他的,还是他传给姑娘的。校园里有那么多风流韵事,简直不知道该信谁才好。几乎所有的女生都怀过孕,大家都太无知了……甚至连教授们也很无知。有一个教授叫人把他阉了。这是听人说的……

It wasn't anything very terrible, but you never knew what might develop later. He didn't want any one massaging his prostate gland. No, that he didn't relish. The first dose he ever got was at college. Didn't know whether the girl had given it to him or he to the girl; there was so much funny work going on about the campus you didn't know whom to believe. Nearly all the coeds had been knocked up some time or other. Too damned ignorant… even the profs were ignorant. One of the profs had himself castrated, so the rumor went…

 

第二天夜里他拿定主意要冒这个风险—戴着避孕套去冒险。其实这没有多大风险,除非套子破了。他替自己买了一些长长的鱼鳞状的套子。各种各样的都有,要我相信这是最可靠的。可是这也帮不了他,她的那个地方太紧。菲尔莫说,“老天,我并没有一点儿不正常的。你明白这是怎么回事吗?有个家伙轻轻松松地弄进去叫她染上了病,这个人的玩艺儿一定小得不正常。”

Anyway, the next night he decided to risk it – with a condom. Not much risk in that, unless it breaks. He had bought himself some of the long fish skin variety – they were the most reliable, he assured me. But then, that didn't work either. She was too tight. "Jesus, there's nothing abnormal about me," he said. "How do you make that out? Somebody got inside her all right to give her that dose. He must have been abnormally small."

 

  一次次尝试都失败了,他只得完全放弃。现在他们像兄妹俩似的躺在一起,做着乱伦的美梦。玛莎的活蕴含着哲理,“在俄国常有这种事,一个男人同一个女人睡在一起,可是根本不碰她。他们可以这样几星期地睡下去,根本不去想那件事,直到有一回他碰了她……哗!哗!以后就,哗!”

So, one thing after another failing, he just gave it up altogether. They lie there now like brother and sister, with incestuous dreams. Says Macha, in her philosophic way: "In Russia it often happens that a man sleeps with a woman without touching her. They can go on that way for weeks and weeks and never think anything about it. Until paff! once he touches her… paff! paff! After that it's paff, paff, paff!"

 

  现在菲尔莫竭尽全力要叫玛莎恢复健康,他认为一旦治好了她的淋病那个地方就会松开的,真是一个古怪的想法。于是他给她买了一只灌洗袋、大量高锰酸盐、一只旋转注水器和其他一些小玩艺,这全是一个匈牙利医生向他推荐的,此人是住在达里格尔广场的一个替人打胎的江湖郎中。菲尔莫的老板有一回曾使一个十六岁的姑娘怀了孕,她便介绍他认识了这个匈牙利人,后来老板又生了美妙的下疳,仍是匈牙利人治的。在巴黎,一个人正是通过泌尿生殖系统的交往才结识朋友的。总之,在我们的严格监督下,玛莎在留意自己的健康。那天夜里我们为难了一阵,玛莎把一支药栓塞进她身体里之后找不到药栓上的线了。她嚷道,“我的上帝!线到哪儿去了?我的上帝! 我找不到那根线了。”

All efforts are concentrated now on getting Macha into shape. Fillmore thinks if he cures her of the clap she may loosen up. A strange idea. So he's bought her a douche bag, a stock of permanganate, a whirling syringe and other little things which were recommended to him by a Hungarian doctor, a little quack of an abortionist over near the Place d'Aligre. It seems his boss had knocked up a sixteen year old girl once and she had introduced him to the Hungarian; and then after that the boss had a beautiful chancre and it was the Hungarian again. That's how one gets acquainted in Paris – genito-urinary friendships. Anyway, under our strict supervision, Macha is taking care of herself. The other night, though, we were in a quandary for a while. She stuck the suppository inside her and then she couldn't find the string attached to it. "My God!" she was yelling, "where is that string? My God! I can't find the string!"

 

  

  菲尔莫说,“你在床底下找过吗?”

"Did you look under the bed?" said Fillmore.

 

  后来她终于平静下来,但是只平静了几分钟。下一件事是:“我的上帝!我又流血了!我的月经刚完,这会儿又滴出血来了,这准是喝了你们买的便宜香摈的缘故。我的上帝,你们是想叫我流血流死了拉倒吧?”她披着一件晨衣,两腿之间夹着一条毛巾走出来,竭力要显得像平时一样有气派。她说,“我一生都是这样,有神经衰弱。我白天到处跑,到晚上就喝醉了。刚来巴黎时我还是一个纯洁的姑娘,我只读维荣和波德莱尔的诗。当时我在银行里有三十万瑞士法郎,我拼命享受,因为在俄国时他们总是把我管束得很严。当时我比现还要漂亮,所以所有的男人都拜倒在我脚下。”讲到这儿,她停下来把堆在腰间的松松垮垮的衣服拉拉好。“你们千万别以为他叫我扮演一个角色时我就很乐意,是他这么说。我来到这儿……这病是他们给我喝的毒药引起的……就是法国人疯了似的猛喝的那种可怕的开胃酒……当时我遇到了那位电影导演,他是天底下最好的人,他恳求我每天夜里跟他睡觉。我还是一个很傻的黄毛丫头呢,于是一天夜里我允许他强奸了我。我希望成为一个大明星,却不知道他身上尽是毒汁。这样他把淋病传给我了……现在我要他重新得上这种病我投塞纳河自杀全怨他……你们为什么笑,你们不信我自杀过?我可以拿报纸给你们看……所有的报上都有我的照片。哪一天我要给你们看俄文报纸……他们写我写得妙极了……不过,亲爱的,你明白我首先一定得有套新衣服。穿着这身脏兮兮的破衣服是无法引诱这个男人的,再说,我还欠裁缝一万二千法郎呢……”

Finally she quieted down. But only for a few minutes. The next thing was: "My God! I'm bleeding again. I just had my period and now there are gouttes again. It must be that cheap champagne you buy. My God, do you want me to bleed to death?" She comes out with a kimono on and a towel stuck between her legs, trying to look dignified as usual. "My whole life is just like that," she says. "I'm a neurasthenic. The whole day running around and at night I'm drunk again. When I came to Paris I was still an innocent girl. I read only Villon and Baudelaire. But as I had then 300,000 Swiss francs in the bank I was crazy to enjoy myself, because in Russia they were always strict with me. And as I was even more beautiful then than I am now, I had all the men falling at my feet." Here she hitched up the slack which had accumulated around her belt. "You mustn't think I had a stomach like that when I came here… that's from all the poison I was given to drink… those horrible apéritifs which the French are so crazy to drink… So then I met my movie director and he wanted that I should play a part for him. He said I was the most gorgeous creature in the world and he was begging me to sleep with him every night. I was a foolish young virgin and so I permitted him to rape me one night. I wanted to be a great actress and I didn't know he was full of poison. So he gave me the clap… and now I want that he should have it back again. It's his fault that I committed suicide in the Seine… Why are you laughing? Don't you believe that I committed suicide? I can show you the newspapers… there is my picture in all the papers. I will show you the Russian papers some day… they wrote about me wonderfully… But darling, you know that first I must have a new dress. I can't vamp this man with these dirty rags I am in. Besides, I still owe my dressmaker 12,000 francs…"

 

打这儿起就是一个关于继承权的长故事了,她正在设法得到这个继承权。她有一个年轻的律师,是个法国人,听她的口气是一个相当胆小的人,他在努力争回她的财产。他不时给她一百法郎或差不多这个数目的钱,记在帐上。她说,“他正像所有法国人一样小气,而我是那么漂亮,他的眼睛总是死盯着我。 他不断恳求我跟他睡,我总听他这么说听腻了、听烦了,于是有一天夜里我答应了,只是为了叫他别再罗索,这样我偶尔还能弄到一百法郎。”她歇斯底里地狂笑了一阵,又说,“亲爱的,他的事太好笑,真难以用言语描绘。有一天他打电话说,‘我一定要马上见到你……事情很重要。’见面后他给我看了从医生那儿拿来的一张纸—是淋病!亲爱的,我当着他的面哈哈大笑。

From here on it's a long story about the inheritance which she is trying to collect. She has a young lawyer, a Frenchman, who is rather timid, it seems, and he is trying to win back her fortune. From time to time he used to give her a hundred francs or so on account. "He's stingy, like all the French people," she says. "And I was so beautiful, too, that he couldn't keep his eyes off me. He kept begging me always to fuck him. I got so sick and tired of listening to him that one night I said yes, just to keep him quiet, and so as I wouldn't lose my hundred francs now and then." She paused a moment to laugh hysterically. "My dear," she continued, "it was too funny for words what happened to him. He calls me up on the phone one day and he says: 'I must see you right away… it's very important.' And when I see him he shows me a paper from the doctor – and it's gonorrhea! My dear, I laughed in his face.

 

  我怎么能知道自己的淋病还没有治好?‘你想跟我睡,结果是我睡了你!’听了这话他不吱声了。生活中的事情往往是这样……你什么也不疑心,冷不丁就,哗!他是一个大傻瓜,接着又重新爱上了我,他只是求我检点些,别整夜在蒙帕纳斯喝酒、跟人睡觉。他说我使他如醉如痴,他想娶我,后来他家里人听说了我的事,就劝他去了印度支那……”从这儿玛莎又平静地把话题转到她同一个搞同性恋的女人的风流韵事上。“亲爱的,那天晚上她结识我的经过有意思极了。

How should I know that I still had the clap? 'You wanted to fuck me and so I fucked you!' That made him quiet. That's how it goes in life… you don't suspect anything, and then all of a sudden paff, paff, paff! He was such a fool that he fell in love with me all over again. Only he begged me to behave myself and not run around Montparnasse all night drinking and fucking. He said I was driving him crazy. He wanted to marry me and then his family heard about me and they persuaded him to go to Indo China…" From this Macha calmly switches to an affair she had with a Lesbian. "It was very funny, my dear, how she picked me up one night.

 

  当时我正在‘吉祥’,像往常一样喝醉了酒。她把我从一个地方领到另一个地方,整夜都在桌子底下同我做爱,后来我再也受不了啦。于是她带我去她的公寓,她给我二百法郎。还叫我跟她一起住,可我不愿让她每天晚上折腾我……那会使人太衰弱。

  再说,我可以告诉你们现在我对同性恋并不像以前那样感兴趣了。我宁愿跟一个男人睡觉,哪怕那样会疼呢。等我情欲极其高涨时我一点儿也控制不住自己……要来三、四、五次……就那样!哗!哗!哗!过后我就会流血,这对健康非常不好,因为我很容易贫血,现在你们明白我为什么每隔一段时间就得让一个搞同性恋的女人与我兴奋一次了……”

I was at the "Fétiche" and I was drunk as usual. She took me from one place to the other and she made love to me under the table all night until I couldn't stand it any more. Then she cook me to her apartment and for two hundred francs I let her suck me off. She wanted me to live with her but I didn't want to have her suck me off every night… it makes you too weak. Besides, I can tell you that I don't care so much for Lesbians as I used to. I would rather sleep with a man even though it hurts me. When I get terribly excited I can't hold myself back any more… three, four, five times… just like that! Paff, paff, paff! And then I bleed and that is very unhealthy for me because I am inclined to be anemic. So you see why once in a while I must let myself be sucked by a Lesbian…"

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