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Tropic of Cancer[北回归线][En/Cn]

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第2节

世界,我们的世界,一百多年来一直濒临死亡。过去一百多年来还没有一个人发狂发到在世界的屁眼里放颗炸弹把它炸掉的地步,这世界在腐烂,在逐渐死去。不过它还需要”决定性的一击”,需要被炸成碎片。我们没有一个人不受其影响,然而所有的大陆、大陆间的海洋和空中的小鸟都藏在我们心中,我们要在书中记下这个世界的演变,它已经死了,但仍未被埋葬。

For a hundred years or more the world, our world, has been dying. And not one man, in these last hundred years or so, has been crazy enough to put a bomb up the asshole of creation and set it off. The world is rotting away, dying piecemeal. But it needs the coup de grâce, it needs to be blown to smithereens. Not one of us is intact, and yet we have in us all the continents and the seas between the continents and the birds of the air. We are going to put it down – the evolution of this world which has died but which has not been buried.

 

  我们是在时间的表面游泳,其他所有的人都淹死了、快淹死了、终究要被淹死。这本书将是部巨著,将会出现大洋似的广阔地域供人来往、漫游、唱歌、跳舞、攀登、洗澡、翻跟斗、发牢骚、强奸、杀人。这是一座大教堂,一座真正的大教堂,在建造它的过程中每一个失去自己身分的人都可以出力,将要为死者作弥撒、祷告、忏悔、唱赞美诗、抱怨一会儿、闲扯一会儿—以一种要人命的漫不经心的态度。还要建圆花窗、滴水嘴,要雇用沙弥和抬棺材的。你可以把马牵进来在教堂走廊上狂奔,你可以把脑袋往墙上撞—它不会倒塌,你可以任意造一种语言去祈祷,也可以在教堂外蜷起身子睡觉。这座教堂至少能支撑一千年,而且不会有复制品,因为建造者和建造方法都已死掉了。我们要印制明信片、组织旅游,我们要在它周围修筑一座城,建立一个自由公社。我们不需要天才—天才都死了,我们需要强壮的劳力,需要乐意放弃灵魂、生长出肉体的精灵……

We are swimming on the face of time and all else has drowned, is drowning, or will drown. It will be enormous, the Book. There will be oceans of space in which to move about, to perambulate, to sing, to dance, to climb, to bathe, to leap somersaults, to whine, to rape, to murder. A cathedral, a veritable cathedral, in the building of which everybody will assist who has lost his identity. There will be masses for the dead, prayers, confessions, hymns, a moaning and a chattering, a sort of murderous insouciance; there will be rose windows and gargoyles and acolytes and pallbearers. You can bring your horses in and gallop through the aisles. You can butt your head against the walls – they won't give. You can pray in any language you choose, or you can curl up outside and go to sleep. It will last a thousand years, at least, this cathedral, and there will be no replica, for the builders will be dead and the formula too. We will have postcards made and organize tours. We will build a town around it and set up a free commune. We have no need for genius – genius is dead. We have need for strong hands, for spirits who are willing to give up the ghost and put on flesh…

 

这一天正在以理想的速度过去。我在塔尼亚房间的阳台上,底下起居室里正在演戏,这位戏剧家生病了。而且,从上面望下去,他的头皮显得比往常更粗糙,他的头发是稻草做的,他的思想也是一堆乱草。他老婆也是稻草人,不过还有点儿潮湿。连整座房子都是用稻草盖的。我站在阳台上等鲍里斯来,我最后一个难题—早饭—已解决了,因为我把一切都简化了。假如还有新的难题我便把它们同脏衣服一道装进背包里好了。我要扔掉所有的钱。我要钱有什么用?我是一部写作机器,拧上最后一颗螺钉机器便运转了。我与机器之间并无间隙,我就是机器……

The day is moving along at a fine tempo. I am up on the balcony at Tania's place. The drama is going on down below in the drawing room. The dramatist is sick and from above his scalp looks more scabrous than ever. His hair is made of straw. His ideas are straw. His wife too is straw, though still a little damp. The whole house is made of straw. Here I am up on the balcony, waiting for Boris to arrive. My last problem – breakfast – is gone. I have simplified everything. If there are any new problems I can carry them in my rucksack, along with my dirty wash. I am throwing away all my sous. What need have I for money? I am a writing machine. The last screw has been added. The thing flows. Between me and the machine there is no estrangement. I am the machine… .


 

  他们还没有告诉我这出新戏讲的是什么,不过我可以感觉到。他们企图摆脱我,可我是到这儿来吃饭,只是比他们预期的早到了一会儿。我已告诉他们该坐在哪儿、干什么。我有礼貌地问他们自己是否打搅他们了。可我的真正意思是,”你们会不会打搅我?”他们也知道我的意思。没有,你们这伙快活的蟑螂,你们并没有打搅我,你们在滋养我。不错,我看到你们紧挨着坐在一块儿,不过我知道你们之间有一道鸿沟。你们间的距离同行垦间的距离差不多,而我是你们之间的空旷地带。假如我抽身走开,你们便没有可供活动的空地了。

They have not told me yet what the new drama is about, but I can sense it. They are trying to get rid of me. Yet here I am for my dinner, even a little earlier than they expected. I have informed them where to sit, what to do. I ask them politely if I shall be disturbing them, but what I really mean, and they know it well, is – will you be disturbing me? No, you blissful cockroaches, you are not disturbing me. You are nourishing me. I see you sitting there close together and I know there is a chasm between you. Your nearness is the nearness of planets. I am the void between you. If I withdraw there will be no void for you to swim in.

 

  塔尼亚充满了敌意,这一点我可以感觉到。她生我的气,怨我光想别的,唯独没想着她。根据我的激动程度她便知道自己的价值已降为零了,她知道我今晚来的目的并不是要同她睡觉,她知道某种东西正在我心中萌发,这东西会毁掉她。她领悟得很慢。不过在领悟……西尔维斯特显得更心满意足,他今晚要在饭桌旁拥抱她。现在他在看我的手稿,准备激发我的自尊,使之与她的自尊相对抗。

Tania is in a hostile mood – I can feel it. She resents my being filled with anything but herself. She knows by the very caliber of my excitement that her value is reduced to zero. She knows that I did not come this evening to fertilize her. She knows there is something germinating inside me which will destroy her. She is slow to realize, but she is realizing it…Sylvester looks more content. He will embrace her this evening at the dinner table. Even now he is reading my manuscript, preparing to inflame my ego, to set my ego against hers.

 

 

  今晚的聚会是古怪的,现在正在为它做准备。我听见玻璃酒杯叮当响,酒拿出来了。一杯杯酒将被喝掉,生病的西尔维斯特也会痊愈。

It will be a strange gathering this evening. The stage is being set. I hear the tinkle of the glasses. The wine is being brought out. There will be bumpers downed and Sylvester who is ill will come out of his illness.

 

  聚会计划是昨夜才在克朗斯塔特家制定的,其宗旨是叫女人们吃点苦头,幕后的气氛应该更恐怖,有更多的暴力、灾祸、磨难、悲哀和痛苦。

It was only last night, at Cronstadt's, that we projected this setting. It was ordained that the women must suffer, that offstage there should be more terror and violence, more disasters, more suffering, more woe and misery.

 

  使我们这样的人来到巴黎不是偶然的事件。巴黎只是一个人工的舞台,一个可使观察者看一眼戏剧冲突各阶段的旋转舞台。而这些戏都不是在巴黎开场的,它们在别处上演。巴黎只是一件产科器械,它把活着的胎儿从子宫中夹出来放进保育器。

  巴黎是人工引产生下的婴儿的摇篮,在这个摇篮里来回摇晃时每个人又回到了他的故土,又梦见了柏林、纽约、芝加哥、维也纳、明斯克。维也纳再也不会比巴黎更维也纳化。每一件东西都被人顶礼膜拜,摇篮献出一批婴儿,另一批新生婴儿又取代他们的位置。你可在这些墙上看到说明—左拉、巴尔扎克、但盯斯特林堡以及每一位曾声名显赫的人当时都住在这儿,每个人都曾在这儿住过一阵,不过却没人在这儿死去……

It is no accident that propels people like us to Paris. Paris is simply an artificial stage, a revolving stage that permits the spectator to glimpse all phases of the conflict. Of itself Paris initiates no dramas. They are begun elsewhere. Paris is simply an obstetrical instrument that tears the living embryo from the womb and puts it in the incubator. Paris is the cradle of artificial births. Rocking here in the cradle each one slips back into his soil: one dreams back to Berlin, New York, Chicago, Vienna, Minsk. Vienna is never more Vienna than in Paris. Everything is raised to apotheosis. The cradle gives up its babes and new ones take their places. You can read here on the walls where Zola lived and Balzac and Dante and Strindberg and everybody who ever was anything. Everyone has lived here some time or other. Nobody dies here…

 

他们在楼下说话,他们的话都是富有象征意义的。他们在谈话中用了”斗争”这个词,西尔维斯特这个生病的戏剧家在说,”我正在看《宣言》。”塔尼亚问,”谁的宣言?”哈,塔尼亚,我听得很清楚,我正在楼上写到你,而你也料到了。说下去,这样我就可以记下你说的话了,因为坐到餐桌边上我就不能做笔记了……突然塔尼亚说,”这个地方没有一个很像样子的厅。”这话又是什么意思?

They are talking downstairs. Their language is symbolic. The world "struggle" enters into it. Sylvester, the sick dramatist, is saying: "I am just reading the Manifesto." And Tania says  "Whose?" Yes, Tania, I heard you. I am up here writing about you and you divine it well. Speak more, that I may record you. For when we go to table I shall not be able to make any notes… Suddenly Tania remarks: "There is no prominent hall in this place." Now what does that mean, if anything?

 

  他们在张贴一些画,这也是为了打动我。你瞧,他们希望说,我们在这儿很自在,在这儿过夫妻生活,我们在使这个家更具有吸引力。为了你的缘故,我们还要为这些画争论几句。塔尼亚又说道,”眼睛竟会这样迷惑一个人!”唉,塔尼亚,你要说些什么?继续下去,把这出闹剧演下去。我来这儿是为了吃你们允诺过的这餐饭的,我非常非常喜欢这出喜剧。这回是西尔维斯特先开口,他试图讲解博罗夫斯基画的一幅水粉画。”到这儿来。看见了吗?一个人在弹吉他,另一个人的腿上坐着一个女孩子。”是的,西尔维斯特,是这么回事。博罗夫斯基和他的吉他!他腿上的姑娘!只是一个人永远也拿不准坐在他腿上的是什么,也说不上那是否真是一个人在弹吉他……要不了多久莫尔多夫便会手脚并用地飞快爬进来,鲍里斯也会嘻嘻笑着走进来。吃饭时有松鸡、安如葡萄酒和又粗又短的雪前。还有克郎斯塔特,待他听到最近的新闻后便一会儿活得艰难些,一会儿活得轻松些,每五分钟情绪变化一次。过后他便又安稳下来,重新沉溺于他的梦幻之中。也许这时他会写出一首诗来,一首没有舌头的大金钟似的诗。

They are putting up pictures now. That, too, is to impress me. See, they wish to say, we are at Home here, living the conjugal life. Making the Home attractive. We will even argue a little about the pictures, for your benefit. And Tania remarks again: "How the eye deceives one!" Ah, Tania, what things you say! Go on, carry out this farce a little longer. I am here to get the dinner you promised me; I enjoy this comedy tremendously. And now Sylvester takes the lead. He is trying to explain one of Borowski's gouaches. "Come here, do you see? One of them is playing the guitar; the other is holding a girl in his lap." True, Sylvester. Very true. Borowski and his guitars! The girls in his lap! Only one never quite knows what it is he holds in his lap, or whether it is really a man playing the guitar…Soon Moldorf will be trotting in on all fours and Boris with that helpless little laugh of his. There will be a golden pheasant for dinner and Anjou and short fat cigars. And Cronstadt, when he gets the latest news, will live a little harder, a little brighter, for five minutes; and then he will subside again into the humus of his ideology and perhaps a poem will be born, a big golden bell of a poem without a tongue.

 

  得休息个把钟头了。又来了一个看房子的客人。楼上那个要命的英国人在练习弹巴赫的曲子。现在有人来看房子,必须马上冲上楼去叫那位钢琴家停一会儿。

Had to knock off for an hour or so. Another customer to look at the apartment. Upstairs the bloody Englishman is practising his Bach. It is imperative now, when someone comes to look at the apartment, to run upstairs and ask the pianist to lay off for a while.

 

  埃尔莎在给蔬菜水果商打电话,管子工在马桶上装了一个新座垫。门铃一响,鲍里斯便失去了平衡,在忙乱中他掉了眼镜,他趴在地上找,常札服在地上拖着。这有点儿像大基诺剧院演出的一出戏—那位快饿死的诗人来给屠宰商的女儿上课,电话铃每响一次诗人就要流一回口水。马拉梅的名字听上去像”牛腰肉”,维克多•雨果这个名字的发音同”小牛肝”一样。埃尔莎在为鲍里斯预订一顿精美的午饭—“一份带汤的猪排。”她说。我仿傀看到了放在大理石上的一大堆凉了的粉红色的火腿,底下垫着白色肥肉的美味火腿。我饿得要命,尽管我们几分钟之前才吃过早饭。我不得不免去午饭,多亏博罗夫斯基,我只在星期三吃午饭。埃尔莎还在打电话—她忘了订一块咸肉。”对了,一小块咸肉,别大肥。”她说……得了!放些小牛胰脏、放些牛睾丸和蛤!做菜时放些炒腊肠,我可以一顿吞下维加的一千五百出戏。

Elsa is telephoning the greengrocer. The plumber is putting a new seat on the toilet bowl. Whenever the doorbell rings Boris loses his equilibrium. In the excitement he has dropped his glasses; he is on his hands and knees, his frock coat is dragging the floor. It is a little like the Grand Guignol – the starving poet come to give the butcher's daughter lessons. Every time the phone rings the poet's mouth waters. Mallarmé sounds like a sirloin steak, Victor Hugo like foie de veau. Elsa is ordering a delicate little lunch for Boris – "a nice juicy little pork chop," she says. I see a whole flock of pink hams lying cold on the marble, wonderful hams cushioned in white fat. I have a terrific hunger though we've only had breakfast a few minutes ago – it's the lunch that I'll have to skip. It's only Wednesdays that I eat lunch, thanks to Borowski. Elsa is still telephoning – she forgot to order a piece of bacon. "Yes, a nice little piece of bacon, not too fatty," she says … Zut alors! Throw in some sweetbreads, throw in some mountain oysters and some psst clams! Throw in some fried liverwurst while you're at it; I could gobble up the fifteen hundred plays of Lope de Vega in one sitting.

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