The Golden Asse
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my packet, unlocked and unbarred the doors, but those good and
faithfull doores which in the night did open of their owne accord,
could then scantly be opened with their keyes. And when I was
out I cried, O sirrah Hostler where art thou? Open the stable doore
for I will ride away by and by. The Hostler lying behinde the stable
doore upon a pallet, and half asleepe, What (quoth hee) doe you not
know that the wayes be very dangerous? What meane you to rise
at this time of night? If you perhaps guilty of some heynous crime,
be weary of your life, yet thinke you not that we are such Sots that
we will die for you. Then said I, It is well nigh day, and moreover,
what can theeves take from him that hath nothing? Doest thou not
know (Foole as thou art) if thou be naked, if ten Gyants should
assaile thee, they could not spoyle or rob thee? Whereunto the
drowsie Hostler half asleepe, and turning on the other side,
answered, What know I whether you have murthered your
Companion whom you brought in yesternight, or no, and now seeke
the means to escape away? O Lord, at that time I remember the
earth seemed ready to open, and me thought I saw at hell gate the
Dog Cerberus ready to devour mee, and then I verily beleeved, that
Meroe did not spare my throat, mooved with pitty, but rather cruelly
pardoned mee to bring mee to the Gallowes. Wherefore I returned
to my chamber, and there devised with my selfe in what sort I
should finish my life. But when I saw that fortune should minister
unto mee no other instrument than that which my bed profered me,
I said, O bed, O bed, most dear to me at this present, which hast
abode and suffered with me so many miseries, judge and arbiter of
such things as were done here this night, wHome onely I may call to
witnesse for my innocency, render (I say) unto me some
wholesome weapon to end my life, that am most willing to dye.
And therewithal I pulled out a piece of the rope wherewith the bed
was corded, and tyed one end thereof about a rafter by the
window, and with the other end I made a sliding knot, and stood
upon my bed, and so put my neck into it, and leaped from the bed,
thinking to strangle my selfe and so dye, behold the rope beeing old
and rotten burst in the middle, and I fell down tumbling upon
Socrates that lay under : And even at that same very time the
Hostler came in crying with a loud voyce, and sayd, Where are you
that made such hast at midnight, and now lies wallowing abed?
Whereupon (I know not whether it was by my fall, or by the great
cry of the Hostler) Socrates as waking out of sleepe, did rise up
first and sayd, It is not without cause that strangers do speake evill
of all such Hostlers, for this Catife in his comming in, and with his
crying out, I thinke under a colour to steale away something, hath
waked me out of a sound sleepe. Then I rose up joyfull with a
merry countenance, saying, Behold good Hostler, my friend, my
companion and my brother, whom thou didst falsly affirme to be
slaine by mee this might. And therewithall I embraced my friend
Socrates and kissed him : but hee smelling the stinke of the pisse
wherewith those Hagges had embrued me, thrust me away and
sayd, Clense thy selfe from this filthy odour, and then he began
gently to enquire, how that noysome sent hapned unto mee. But I
finely feigning and colouring the matter for the time, did breake off
his talk, and tooke him by the hand and sayd, Why tarry we? Why
lose wee the pleasure of this faire morning? Let us goe, and so I
tooke up my packet, and payed the charges of the house and
departed : and we had not gone a mile out of the Towne but it was
broad day, and then I diligently looked upon Socrates throat, to see
if I could espy the place where Meroe thrust in her sword : but
when I could not perceive any such thing, I thought with my selfe,
What a mad man am I, that being overcome with wine yester night,
have dreamed such terrible things? Behold I see Socrates is sound,
safe and in health. Where is his wound? Where is the Sponge?
Where is his great and new cut? And then I spake to him and said,
Verily it is not without occasion, that Physitians of experience do
affirme, That such as fill their gorges abundantly with meat and
drinke, shall dreame of dire and horrible sights : for I my selfe, not
tempering my appetite yester night from the pots of wine, did
seeme to see this night strange and cruel visions, that even yet I
think my self sprinkled and wet with human blood : whereunto
Socrates laughing made answer and said, Nay, thou art not wet
with the blood of men, but art embrued with stinking pisse; and
verily I dreamed that my throat was cut, and that I felt the paine of
the wound, and that my heart was pulled out of my belly, and the
remembrance thereof makes me now to feare, for my knees do so
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