The History of John Bull
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which he deserves the pillory, or something worse.
"In confirmation of this doctrine of the indispensable duty of
change, I could bring the example of the wisest wives in all ages,
who by these means have preserved their husband's families from ruin
and oblivion by want of posterity; but what has been said is a
sufficient ground for punishing this pragmatical parson."
CHAPTER XIV. The two great Parties of Wives, the Devotos and the
Hitts.*
*Those who were for and against the doctrine of nonresistance.
The doctrine of unlimited fidelity in wives was universally espoused
by all husbands, who went about the country and made the wives sign
papers signifying their utter detestation and abhorrence of Mrs.
Bull's wicked doctrine of the indispensable duty of change. Some
yielded, others refused to part with their native liberty, which
gave rise to two great parties amongst the wives, the Devotos and
the Hitts. Though, it must be owned, the distinction was more
nominal than real; for the Devotos would abuse freedoms sometimes,
and those who were distinguished by the name of Hitts were often
very honest. At the same time there was an ingenious treatise came
out with the title of "Good Advice to Husbands," in which they are
counselled not to trust too much to their wives owning the doctrine
of unlimited conjugal fidelity, and so to neglect a due watchfulness
over the manners of their wives; that the greatest security to
husbands was a good usage of their wives and keeping them from
temptation, many husbands having been sufferers by their trusting
too much to general professions, as was exemplified in the case of a
foolish and negligent husband, who, trusting to the efficacy of this
principle, was undone by his wife's elopement from him.
CHAPTER XV. An Account of the Conference between Mrs. Bull and Don
Diego.*
* A Tory nobleman who, by his influence upon the House of Commons,
endeavoured to stop the Treaty.
The lawyers, as their last effort to put off the composition, sent
Don Diego to John. Don Diego was a very worthy gentleman, a friend
to John, his mother, and present wife, and, therefore, supposed to
have some influence over her. He had been ill used himself by
John's lawyers, but because of some animosity to Sir Roger was
against the composition. The conference between him and Mrs. Bull
was word for word as follows:--
DON DIEGO.--Is it possible, cousin Bull, that you can forget the
honourable maxims of the family you are come of, and break your word
with three of the honestest, best-meaning persons in the world--
Esquires South, Frog, and Hocus--that have sacrificed their
interests to yours? It is base to take advantage of their
simplicity and credulity, and leave them in the lurch at last.
MRS. BULL--I am sure they have left my family in a bad condition, we
have hardly money to go to market; and nobody will take our words
for sixpence. A very fine spark this Esquire South! My husband
took him in, a dirty boy. It was the Business of half the servants
to attend him.* The rogue did bawl and make such a noise:
sometimes he fell in the fire and burnt his face, sometimes broke
his shins clambering over the benches, and always came in so dirty,
as if he had been dragged through the kennel at a boarding-school.
He lost his money at chuck-farthing, shuffle-cap, and all-fours;
sold his books, pawned his linen, which we were always forced to
redeem. Then the whole generation of him are so in love with
bagpipes and puppet-shows! I wish you knew what my husband has paid
at the pastry-cook's and confectioner's for Naples biscuits, tarts,
custards, and sweetmeats. All this while my husband considered him
as a gentleman of a good family that had fallen into decay, gave him
good education, and has settled him in a good creditable way of
living--having procured him, by his interest, one of the best places
of the country. And what return, think you, does this fine
gentleman make us? he will hardly give me or my husband a good word,
or a civil expression. Instead of Sir and Madam (which, though I
say it, is our due), he calls us "goody " and "gaffer" such-a-one;
says he did us a great deal of honour to board with us; huffs and
dings at such a rate, because we will not spend the little we have
left to get him the title and estate of Lord Strutt; and then
forsooth, we shall have the honour to be his woollen-drapers.**
Besides, Esquire South will be Esquire South still; fickle, proud,
and ungrateful. If he behaves himself so when he depends on us for
his daily bread, can any man say what he will do when he is got
above the world?
* Something relating to the manners of a great prince, superstition,
love of operas, shows, etc.
** Something relating to forms and titles.
D. DIEGO.--And would you lose the honour of so noble and generous an
undertaking? Would you
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