The History of John Bull
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thou gavest ghostly counsels to dying felons, and didst record the
guilty pangs of Sabbath breakers. How will the noble arts of John
Overton's** painting and sculpture now languish? where rich
invention, proper expression, correct design, divine attitudes, and
artful contrast, heightened with the beauties of Clar. Obscur.,
embellished thy celebrated pieces, to the delight and astonishment
of the judicious multitude! Adieu, persuasive eloquence! the quaint
metaphor, the poignant irony, the proper epithet, and the lively
simile, are fled for ever! Instead of these, we shall have, I know
not what! The illiterate will tell the rest with pleasure.
* Act restraining the liberty of the press, etc.
** The engraver of the cuts before the Grub Street papers.
I hope the reader will excuse this digression, due by way of
condolence to my worthy brethren of Grub Street, for the approaching
barbarity that is likely to overspread all its regions by this
oppressive and exorbitant tax. It has been my good fortune to
receive my education there; and so long as I preserved some figure
and rank amongst the learned of that society, I scorned to take my
degree either at Utrecht or Leyden, though I was offered it gratis
by the professors in those universities.
And now that posterity may not be ignorant in what age so excellent
a history was written (which would otherwise, no doubt, be the
subject of its inquiries), I think it proper to inform the learned
of future times, that it was compiled when Louis XIV. was King of
France, and Philip his grandson of Spain; when England and Holland,
in conjunction with the Emperor and the Allies, entered into a war
against these two princes, which lasted ten years, under the
management of the Duke of Marlborough, and was put to a conclusion
by the Treaty of Utrecht, under the ministry of the Earl of Oxford,
in the year 1713.
Many at that time did imagine the history of John Bull, and the
personages mentioned in it, to be allegorical, which the author
would never own. Notwithstanding, to indulge the reader's fancy and
curiosity, I have printed at the bottom of the page the supposed
allusions of the most obscure parts of the story.
THE HISTORY OF JOHN BULL.
CHAPTER I. The Occasion of the Law Suit.
I need not tell you of the great quarrels that have happened in our
neighbourhood since the death of the late Lord Strutt;* how the
parson** and a cunning attorney got him to settle his estate upon
his cousin Philip Baboon, to the great disappointment of his cousin
Esquire South. Some stick not to say that the parson and the
attorney forged a will; for which they were well paid by the family
of the Baboons. Let that be as it will, it is matter of fact that
the honour and estate have continued ever since in the person of
Philip Baboon.
* Late King of Spain.
** Cardinal Portocarero.
You know that the Lord Strutts have for many years been possessed of
a very great landed estate, well conditioned, wooded, watered, with
coal, salt, tin, copper, iron, etc., all within themselves; that it
has been the misfortune of that family to be the property of their
stewards, tradesmen, and inferior servants, which has brought great
incumbrances upon them; at the same time, their not abating of their
expensive way of living has forced them to mortgage their best
manors. It is credibly reported that the butcher's and baker's bill
of a Lord Strutt that lived two hundred years ago are not yet paid.
When Philip Baboon came first to the possession of the Lord Strutt's
estate, his tradesmen,* as is usual upon such occasions, waited upon
him to wish him joy and bespeak his custom. The two chief were John
Bull,** the clothier, and Nic. Frog,*** the linendraper. They told
him that the Bulls and Frogs had served the Lord Strutts with
draperyware for many years; that they were honest and fair dealers;
that their bills had never been questioned; that the Lord Strutts
lived generously, and never used to dirty their fingers with pen,
ink, and counters; that his lordship might depend upon their honesty
that they would use him as kindly as they had done his predecessors.
The young lord seemed to take all in good part, and dismissed them
with a deal of seeming content, assuring them he did not intend to
change any of the honourable maxims of his predecessors.
* The first letters of congratulation from King William and the
States of Holland upon King Philip's accession to the crown of
Spain.
** The English.
*** The Dutch.
CHAPTER II. How Bull and Frog grew jealous that the Lord Strutt
intended to give all his custom to his grandfather Lewis Baboon.
It happened unfortunately for the peace of our neighbourhood that
this young lord had an old cunning rogue, or, as the Scots call it,
a false loon of a grandfather, that one might justly call a Jack-
of-all-Trades.* Sometimes you would see him behin
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