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成功的动力: 不是得到认可 而是确定自己想要什么

kira86 于2019-05-29发布 l 已有人浏览
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成功的动机是什么?不是得到别人的认可,而是确定自己想要什么。不要和别人比,而是要跟自己比。
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Out of My Brother's Shadow

走出哥哥的影子

(By Charlene Lee)

(沙琳·李)

I read that article about your brother. Wow, he's so smart! As soon as the words came out, my friend caught her mistake. "Oh, no ... I mean, you're smart too. I didn't mean it like that!"

“我读了关于你哥哥的那篇报道。哇,他太聪明了!”一说出这话,我的朋友立刻意识到她说错话了。“哦,不……我的意思是,你也很聪明。我不是那种意思!”

Oh, I know. No worries .

“噢,我知道。没事的。”

My response has become automatic. I've had this conversation many times over the years. It's no surprise that people notice my brother. He's perfect: water polo varsity letterman , gourmet chef, student body president and ... The list goes on. I, on the other hand, am merely his little sister and I am nothing special.

我的反应已经机械化了。这么多年来,我遭遇了无数次这样的对话。人们会关注我哥哥,这一点也不足为奇。他太完美了:校水球队的优秀队员、美食大厨、学生会主席……他的头衔不胜枚举。而我, 恰恰相反,只不过是他的妹妹,毫无特别之处。

Throughout elementary and middle school, we never really had a sibling rivalry because we had different interests. But when he began his high school, he began standing out and started bringing home trophies and awards. Meanwhile, I, an eighth grader, had a collection of Teen Vogue and boxes of notes from friends. Even at a school that overflows with highly involved overachievers , everyone knew him. Relatives began congratulating my brother nonstop, telling him, "Chris, I'm so proud," then turned to me, "So, Charlene. What have you been doing?" People would always call me "Chris Lee's little sister" and then say to me, "Your brother is so smart. Did you know that?"

整个小学和中学,我和哥哥从来没有真正比过什么,因为我们有着不同的兴趣爱好。但他上高中后,他变得越来越出类拔萃、引人注目,开始把各种各样的奖品与荣誉带回家。而此时,我这个八年级学生,却只知道收藏《少女时尚》杂志和朋友们写给我的一盒盒纸条。哥哥的学校里有很多非常优秀的尖子生,但即使在这样一所学校里,每个人都认识他。亲戚们的夸赞声不绝于耳,他们告诉哥哥:“克里斯,我们为你感到骄傲。”然后他们会对我说:“那么,查伦,你都在做些什么呢?”人们总是称呼我“克里斯·李的妹妹”,然后对我说:“你哥哥太聪明了。你以前知道他这么聪明吗?”

It was all in my face , yet I still just wanted to be more like him. So when I started my freshman year of high school, I felt I needed some incredible, unique extracurriculars , like my brother. I asked my brother for help and he sent me inspirational articles and this list on the website College Confidential titled "Outstanding Extracurriculars." I couldn't believe what was on it: publication in national magazines or newspapers, organize a nationwide service project, start a nonprofit and raise $100,000, be a professional actor who has appeared in movies, big city theater or TV....

这一切全都是当着我的面发生的,但尽管如此,我还是想向他看齐。因此,当我开始上高一时,我觉得我需要一些超酷的、与众不同的课外活动,像哥哥那样。我向哥哥求助,他送给我一些励志的文章,还有在“大学里的秘密”网站上列出的标题是“与众不同的课外活动”的一个目录。目录的内容令我难以置信:在全国性杂志或报纸上发表文章,组织一次全国性的服务项目,启动一项非营利活动并筹到10万美金,成为一名职业演员,在电影、大城市的剧院或电视台中露面……

I felt I had wasted so much time in middle school and I needed to catch up or I'd end up a failure.

我觉得我简直荒废了我的中学时光。现在,我需要迎头赶上,否则将一事无成。

I Tried hard

我竭尽全力

Every day after school, I spent close to three hours printing out articles from The New York Times and Chicago Tribune and using my pen and my orange highlighter to dissect each paragraph, making notes in the margins about why the writing was effective. I wanted my writing to be good enough when I entered the essay contests I had researched. It didn't even matter what the contest was about.

每天放学后,我都会花将近三个小时的时间,把《纽约时报》和《芝加哥论坛报》上的文章打印出来,仔细研读每一个段落,拿钢笔和橘黄色的荧光记号笔在空白处做笔记,注明这篇文章好在哪里。我还仔细研究过许多写作比赛,希望到我自己参加这些比赛的时候,也能写得这么好。甚至连这些写作比赛是关于什么的都不重要。

And the same went for jobs: I even considered lying about my address so I could qualify for an internship that was available only to low-income students. Though I feel horrible about it now, I just wanted something - anything - to put as another line on my college resume.

找工作也这样:为了够格做一名实习生,我甚至考虑过编个假地址,因为这一工作只提供给低收入家庭的学生。现在我觉得这简直太可怕了,但在当时,我只是一门心思地希望我的大学申请简历内容越丰富越好——随便什么都可以。

I also looked for leadership positions and activities at my high school. I would go to meeting after meeting, and my afternoons and weekends were packed with volunteer work, tennis games, orchestra rehearsal and On some days, I wouldn't come home until 9 p.m. I'd stay up past 1 a.m., writing articles or trying to finish my homework. I would wake up around 6 in the morning, even on weekends, so I could have more time to work.

我还在高中寻找各种各样的领导职位和活动。我在各种各样的会议间奔波,所有的下午和周末都排满了志愿者工作、网球比赛、乐队排练……有时,我得到晚上9点才能回家。然后接着挑灯夜战,写文章或是赶作业,直到凌晨1点以后才休息。早晨6点钟左右又得起床, 即使周末也不例外,为的是我能有更多的时间去工作。

I started having trouble falling asleep because I would be stressed out thinking about how I needed to do more.

我开始难以入眠,因为我总是在想,我所做的还远远不够,这让我不堪重负。

But I'd never measure up

但我却永远达不到标准

While I was struggling to achieve anything, my brother was achieving even more: he placed in the top three in the California State Science Fair,helped build a solar car and still had time to be nominated for prom king....

在我努力想要取得一些成就的时候,哥哥却取得了更多的成就:他在加利福尼亚州科学展览会上位列前三名;他协助制造了一辆太阳能汽车;此外,他还有时间参加班级舞会,被大家推选为舞会之王……

After every award he won or honor he received, he would tell me not to worry because he's older and has had more time. But I ignored him.

每一次他得奖或是获得荣誉之后,他都会告诉我,不要担心,他能取得这一切都是因为他比我年长,比我用的时间多。但我对他这些话充耳不闻。

Time was exactly what I didn't have enough of and extracurriculars were a top priority . I started canceling plans with my friends. Whenever I told my friends I couldn't go out with them, they'd ask "Why?" I would reply "Because." I didn't want to give a full explanation because none of them could understand how competitive the world was. And I also secretly knew my friends were my competition for college and the future. With different priorities and interests than my friends, I was no longer as close to them. Problems, emotions, and friends were all just an inconvenience. Nothing but my work (and my brother's approval) mattered to me.

我所缺少的恰恰就是时间,而课外活动又是当务之急。于是,我开始取消和朋友们的各种活动。每一次我告诉朋友们我不能和他们一起出去时,他们都要问“为什么啊?”我每次都回答“我有我的原因。”我不想解释得那么清楚,因为他们全都无法理解这是个竞争多么激烈的世界。当然我私下里还认为,朋友们是我上大学也是我未来的竞争对手。由于和朋友们的兴趣爱好、生活重心都不相同,我和他们变得越来越疏远。对我来说,难题、感情、朋友,这些都只不过是小麻烦而已。只有我的“正事”(还有哥哥的认可)才是最重要的。

Then, the summer before my sophomore year, I came across an article in Imagine magazine about a student who thrived on the praise he received in high school. But when he went off to college, he started failing because he had little motivation to succeed without praise from others. I realized that though it was good that I had set high goals, my motives were all wrong. I was more interested in having the recognition than learning from the experience.

接着,在我上高二前的那个夏天,我偶然读到了《想象》杂志上的一篇文章。文章是关于一个学生的,他在高中时经常被表扬,这些表扬使他意气风发,一帆风顺。但离开家上大学后,他的成绩开始一路下滑,因为在大学里,缺少了别人对他的赞扬,他失去了成功的动力。我意识到,我给自己定下很高的目标并没有错,但我的出发点却完全是错的。因为我更在意的是得到别人的认可,而不是从这些经历中学到些什么。

For two hours, I flipped through all my colorfully highlighted articles, folders of past essay contests, and resumes, thinking, "How could I have been so desperate to achieve?" I was so wrapped up in listening to my brother and trying to be my brother, I had failed to think about what I wanted.

我花了整整两个小时,把所有那些被我涂划得五颜六色的文章,那些装有以前参加过的写作比赛文章的文件夹,还有我的各种履历表,统统都翻了一遍。我边翻边想:“我怎么会如此急于求成?”我对哥哥说的一切都顶礼膜拜,努力想成为和哥哥一样优秀的人,但我却没仔细想想自己想要些什么。

I realized what mattered to me

我明白了对我来说什么才是最重要的

Afterward, I sent a letter to the editor of the Imagine about how the article made me rethink my motivations for wanting to achieve. Two weeks later, I received an e-mail saying the magazine wanted to publish my letter. When I sent in my opinion, I had no intention of getting published - I just wanted to let the writer know how much her words had helped me. I realized passion really does make a difference. But even more interesting: I was more excited about my epiphany than actually getting published nationally, which used to be my all-time high school dream.

不久后,我给《想象》杂志的编辑写了封信,告诉他这篇文章是如何使我重新思考自己渴望获得成功的动机的。两周后,我收到了一封电子邮件,告诉我他们希望能发表我的这封信。我把自己的想法寄出时,完全没想过要发表——我只是想让这位作者知道,她的文章给了我多么大的帮助。我意识到热情的确非常重要。但更有意思的是,自己心灵的顿悟远比真的有作品在国内发表更令我感到兴奋,尽管后者曾一直是我高中时代最大的梦想。

I decided I needed to prioritize my activities because I couldn't do it all. After prioritizing, I found time to do things I genuinely liked. I began working as an editor at an online children's literary magazine. I started baking and doing photography, although they weren't things I could add to my resume.

我觉得有必要把我的活动分出个轻重缓急,因为我不可能面面俱到。这么做了以后,我终于找到时间去做那些我真正喜欢做的事情了。我开始给一家在线儿童文学杂志做编辑工作。我开始自己动手烤面包、摄影——尽管这些都不能丰富我的履历表。

In the past, I only wanted the credit of accomplishing something. I think it was my way of saying, "Hey everyone, look at me. Look at the things that I do and my brother doesn't." I didn't want to work hard to achieve recognition. I wanted it to come easy, like how it seemed for my brother. But I realized it's not that easy, and my brother really did work hard. Recognition is supposed to be an award for hard work. But I've learned that the accomplishment isn't even the reward anymore - it's the experience and the learning that comes with it.

以前,我想要的只是完成某件事后所带来的荣誉。我想那样我就可以说:“嗨!大家瞧,这些事我能做到,但我哥哥没做到!”我希望自己不用努力就可以获得称赞。我希望它来得轻而易举,就像哥哥一样。但我终于意识到,这并非易事,而哥哥的确付出了努力。称赞应当是对一个人努力工作的奖励。但我明白,你的努力带给你的回报并 不是取得多大的成绩——而是在此过程中获得的经验与学到的知识。

I still struggle to make decisions without feeling like I need my brother's approval, but I try to figure it out myself. And now, I truly am thankful for my brother. When he got accepted to Harvard, my first thought wasn't "Now I have to get into Harvard too" but "I'm proud to be the sister of a Harvard student." It's not a contest between us anymore - it's more like a competition with myself.

尽管现在做决定时,我还是总忍不住感到需要哥哥的认可,但我在努力独自解决问题。如今,我真心地感谢哥哥。当他被哈佛大学录取时,我的第一反应不是“现在,我的目标也是必须要进哈佛”,而 是“做哈佛学生的妹妹,我骄傲!”现在,我们之间不再有竞争——我更像是和自己在竞争。

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