Already spent your bailout money? Not to worry, the Grinder has Five Rules for living high on a low budget.
Most of the money-saving tips you read are pretty lame. You know, that Martlm Stewart/Happy Homemaker t€brush your teeth with baking soda” stuff. Do you really need someone to tell you that cooking at home is cheaper than going out, or that generics are cheaper than name brands? After exhaustively testing dozen of money-saving methods, including do-it-yourself dentistry and using an extension cord to steal electricity from the neighbors, the Grinder has come up with Five Rules you can really use.
你读过的大多数省钱窍门都站不住脚。你知道,玛莎?斯图尔 特/快乐家庭主妇推荐“用碳酸氢钠刷牙”,但你真的需要有人告诉 你，在家里做饭比在饭店吃便宜吗,或告诉你仿制的比知名品牌便 宜吗？经过详尽地测试十几种省钱的方法，其中包括DIY牙科护理 和使用延长电线从邻居家偷电，Grindei推荐5条你可以真正使用的 规则。
5.Stop Driving Like an Idiot
Flooring the gas pedal, braking hard and flooring it again through traffic is the driving style of a moron. It wastes gas, will wear out the vehicle sooner, and ends up costing you big bucks in speeding tickets and insurance premiums. Also, driving that way makes you look like a teenage, zit-faced douche bag who thinks that having a lead foot makes him a big man. There is a time to drive fast, but it is not when anyone else can see you.
驾车时踩油门，硬刹车和反复踩油门是低能儿的驾驶风格。这 样做既浪费汽油又加快汽车磨损，并且最终你会付出更多的超速罚 单和保险费用。此外，这种驾驶风格会使你看起来像一个乳臭未干、 满脸青春痘的小毛孩,这些人总以为开得快就很酷。是有可以开快 车的时候,但不是能被其他人看得到你的时候。
4.Buy in Bulk
Sure, times are tight and it’s hard to stockpile. If all your money is going to food, shelter and clothing, stocking up on cotton swabs just doesn’t have much appeal. But buying in volume at club stores like Sam’s and Costco will save you major bank, particularly if you only buy items you are absolutely sure to use. Avoid, for instance, the 50-gallon drum of Hot Tamales. You will only end up hating the candy you once loved. Toilet paper is a better choice. Barring a colostomy, as long as you draw breath upon the earth, there will never, ever be a time in your life when you will not need toilet paper, which is either scary or weirdly comforting, depending on your worldview. Granted, there is something awkward about approaching a checkout counter with, say，2,000 rolls of toilet paper in tow. People might think you have a hideous bowel disease or perhaps a fiber fetish. Either that or they’ll think you are planning a really awesome prank.
当然，由于时间紧,很难储存。如果你所有的钱都用来吃饭、付 房费和买衣物，囤积棉花棒确实没有太多的吸引力。但在俱乐部商 店成批购物，比如山姆商店和Costco,将会为你节省一大笔钱,特别 是如果你购买的物品是你绝对要用的。例如避免批量购买50加仑的 热玉米面包馅卷。那样你只会讨厌你曾喜欢的糖果。卫生纸是一个 比较好的选择。除非做了结肠造口手术之外,只要你在世一天,你就 需要卫生纸。这既令人感到恐怖又令人感到欣慰，这取决于你的世 界观卩当然,到柜台结账时也会碰到尴尬的场面，也就是说,一次成批购买2000卷卫生纸。人们可能会认为你有可怕的肠道疾病或者纤维恋物癖《要么或者他们会认 为你正在计划一个令人敬畏的恶作剧。
3,Pay for Sex
As every man suspects in his dark little heart, getting sex from escorts is much che^er in the long run than bars and dating. Also, with an escort, you are considerably more likely to have sex.Considerably. Sure, patronizing hookers can give you nasty diseases and leave you spiritaally bereft, unable to truly connect with another human soul. So? These are tough times. Everyone has to make sacrifices. Yours might have to be intimacy.
由于每个男人都会怀疑自己邪恶的一面,从长远来看,从临时女友身上得到性爱比从酒吧和 约会时得到性爱要便宜多了。此外,你和临时女友当然更有可能发生性行为。相当有可能。的确，招 妓可能会让你传染性病，并且你在精神上感到空虚,更无法真正触及另一个人的灵魂。所以呢？这 些都是艰难的时刻。每个人不得不作出牺牲。你的临时女友可能不得不和你亲热。
2.Sneak Liquor into Bars, Concerts and Night Clubs
First, please note that sneaking booze into places that sell liquor is almost always illegala big liquor code violation. It is also vaguely immoral. If everyone did it, after all, the bars would go out of business. Also keep in mind that you might get busted; embarrassed in front of your friends, tossed out on your ass (literally), and possibly be roughed up by a steroid-addled bouncer with nothing better to do than take out his lifelong frustrations on your rib cage. That said, a $20 half-pint of vodka will get you just as buzzed as $100 worth of drinks at the bar.
首先，请注意，偷偷带酒到卖酒的地方几乎都是非法的——重大的酒法规违例。并且，这也是 不道德的。毕竟，如果每个人都这样做，酒吧将会倒闭。同时请记住，你可能会被逮住。在你的朋友 面前出丑，摔烂你的屁股，并有可能被激素失调的保镖粗暴对待，并把他们一生的挫折感发泄到你 身上。话虽如此，20美元的半品脱伏特加就等于在酒吧消费价值100美元的饮料。
1.Don’t Buy Crap
If you are a woman, and your home was not recently destroyed in a flood, fire or other natural disasters, there is at least one thing we can say about you, with no other knowledge of your life, and be sure that it is utterly and mcontrovertibly true: You already have enough shoes. Don’t buy more. Men can apply the previous statement to themselves. Just replace the word “shoes” with “hats'
如果你是一个女人，你的家最近没有被水灾、火灾或其他自然灾害摧毁,在不了解你的生活的 情况下，至少有一件事我们可以对你发表意见,并且可以肯定它完全是无可争议的事实:你已经有 足够的鞋。不要再买了。只要把“鞋”换成“帽子”,这句话对男人来说也是适用的。