A: OK. I think I'm ready.
B: Of course you're ready.
A: Hey. I've been doing something.
B: He's got something he wants to tell you. Get the guitar.
A: I wrote this for you.
A&B: It's not you. It's me. And me don't like you. It's not you. It's I. And I'm breaking up with you.
C: Wait. Are you actually trying to dump me...by video chat...with your best friend singing backup?
A: You swore up and down the wall that Twilight's the best trilogy of all. Somehow you got me to agree to dress up like Edward for Halloween.
B: Look what you did to him!
A&B: And now that I'm coming clean. First off, Twilight's a quadrilogy. And that ten werewolf dude isn't worthy. Of removing...a Wookie's Dingleberries.
B: It's higher. It would be more in the back of your throat.
C: That's the worst Chewbacca impression I've ever heard. It should sound like this.
A&B: It's not me, it's you. Yeah, the more I think about it. It's definitely you. But it might be me. Cause me decided to date you.
D: Is he breaking up with you in a song?
C: Yeah. And he's not even using correct grammar.
A: When we went out on our first date.
A&B: You said you don't eat anything with a face. Then for the next 18 months. I ate sausage made from rice and walnuts.
B: That's not sausage.
C: Can I get that resipe?
A&B: Now that we're parting ways. Newsflash! Fish have a face. Unless it's in a Newton. He doesn't want another fig! Tonight I'm eating...a Rabbi-veni-turducken-ig. That's a rabit inside a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a deer... inside a pig.
B: Deep fried.
B: Beef gravy.
C: That's disgusting.
D: And also impossible.
A&B: It's you. It's you.
A: No doubt about it.
A&B: It was always totally you. Now it's up to me. And me is now dumping you.
C: You can't dump me.
D: Yeah. She already dumped you like a month ago.
A: Well. I'm still dumping you. Right?
B: Ahh... No I think they are right about this one. Take a Newton?