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翻译赏析:张培基英译叶圣陶的散文《看月》赏析

yun 于2016-07-21发布 l 已有人浏览
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《看月》原载《中学生》第三十七号,(1933年9月1日)

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看月 Enjoying the Moon

叶圣陶 Ye Shengtao

| 译文摘自张培基《英译中国散文选二》


住在上海“弄堂房子”里的人对于月亮的圆缺隐现是不甚关心的。所谓“天井”,不到一丈见方的面。至少十六支光的电灯每间里总得挂一盏。环境限定,不容你有关心到月亮的便利。走到路上,还没“断黑”已经一连串地亮了街灯。有月亮吧,就像多了一盏灯。没有月亮吧,犹如一盏街灯损坏了,没有亮起来。谁留意这些呢?
People living in the small alleyways of Shanghai pay little attention to the waxing and waning, or the visibility, of the moon. The so-called “courtyards” in their houses are generally smaller than three meters square. And each room is illuminated by an electric bulb of at least 16 watts. Such a living environment is of course inconvenient for you to enjoy the moonlight. When you go out for a walk towards the evening, you’ll see the street lamps lit up one after another though it is not yet quite dark. Moon or no moon simply means the appearance of one extra street lamp or that one of the street lamps has gone wrong and ceased to give out light. Nobody cares.

要点:
1.“圆缺隐现”中的“圆缺”译为waxing and waning,而“隐现”则译为visibility,即“可见性”较disappearance or appearance更加简洁
2.“一丈见方”即“边长为一丈的方形物体”,一丈=3.333米,故译为three meters square看吧,学翻译还能顺便把数学复习了。
3.“十六支光”即16瓦=watt
4.“断黑”即“完全黑下来”,故译为is not yet quite dark.
5. “有月亮吧,就像多了一盏灯。没有月亮吧,犹如一盏街灯损坏了,没有亮起来”译为Moon or no moon simply means the appearance of one extra street lamp or that one of the street lamps has gone wrong and ceased to give out light.看到这个句子有木有想起来“To be or not to be, that’s the question.”?这种简洁的句式,学起来~
6.“谁留意这些呢?“译为Nobody care.疑问句译为否定句~译者将隐含的否定意味翻了出来~更突出语气
综述:本段重难点主要在于“一丈见方”“十六支光”“断黑”等词的翻译上~

去年夏天,我曾经说过不大听到蝉声,现在说起月亮,我又觉得许久不看见月亮了。只记得某夜夜半醒来,对窗的收音机已经沉寂,隔壁的“麻将”也歇了手,各家的电灯都已熄灭,一道象牙色的光从南窗透进来,把窗棂印在我的被袱上。我略微感到惊异,随即想到原来是月亮光。好奇地要看看月亮本身,我向窗外望。但是,一会儿月亮被云遮没了。
Last summer, I complained that I could seldom hear the singing of cicadas. Now I’m sorry that I haven’t seen the moon for a long time. I remember how late one night I happened to wake up to find no more blaring of the radio from the window of the opposite house, no more clatter of next door’s mahjong tiles and that all lights in the neighborhood had been put out. A creamy white ray of light streamed in through my southern window to cast shadow of the window lattice on my quilt. I was somewhat surprised. Then, when it dawned on me that it was the moon, I immediately looked out of the window, curious to have a look at it. But, unfortunately, it was soon hidden by the clouds.

要点:
1.“我曾经说过不大听到蝉声”一句有“抱怨”的含义,故译为I complained that…
用complained代替said,文学翻译中的”说“有时也不一定译为”说“哦~要根据语境选择合适的词汇~
2.“我又觉得许久不看见月亮了”同样包含着“抱怨”的含义~故译为I’m sorry…
其中I’m sorry=I realize
3.“记得某夜夜半醒来,对窗的收音机已经沉寂,隔壁的“麻将”也歇了手,各家的电灯都已熄灭”译为 I remember how late one night I happened to wake up to find no more blaring of the radio from the window of the opposite house, no more clatter of next door’s mahjong tiles and that all lights in the neighborhood had been put out.首先要明确主语是“我“,谓语是”发现“
①“记得某夜夜半醒来“译为I remember how late one night I happened to wake up to find…译文突出了”我“是”突然“醒来的,又是”意外地“发现了四周寂静的环境~
②不管是“对窗的收音机“还是”隔壁的‘麻将’“,作者都是在收音机或麻将牌所发出来的声音,故分别译为the blaring of the radio from the window of the opposite house,和the clatter of next door’s mahjong tiles(麻将牌),其中blare, clatter, tile都属于增译,原文无其词而有其意.
4,注意译者在译“透进来”时,直接还原为本意“射进来”=stream in(射进来),“把窗棂印在”译为“把窗棂的影子投射在…”即cast the shadow of the window lattice on…
5, it dawn on sb=it occur to sb意为“某人突然想起“
综述:最后一句又是多动词句哦~之前分析过很多次了,这次童鞋们试试自己分析一下~

从北平来的人往往说在上海这地方怎么“呆”得住。一切都这样紧张。空气是这样龌龊。走出去很难得看见树木,诸如此类,他们可以举出一大堆。我想,月亮仿佛失掉了这一点,也该列入他们认为上海“呆”不住的理由吧。假若如此,我倒并不同意。在生活的诸般条件里列入必须看月亮一项,那是没有理由的。清旷的襟怀和高远的想象力未必定须由对月而养成。把仰望的双眼移到地面,同样可以收到修养上的效益,而且更见切实。可是我并非反对看月亮,只是说即使不看也没有什么关系罢了。
People from Peiping often wonder why Shanghailanders should choose to live in such a lousy place. They say life here is so full of tension, the air so foul, and the trees so scarce, and so on and so forth. I wonder if the apparent loss of moonlight might as well be listed among their reasons for staying away from the city. But I would think otherwise, for it doesn't make sense to call the enjoyment of moonlight one of the requisites of life. Open heart and wide vision do not necessarily come of watching the moon. The same can be achieved in self-cultivation, and that in a more practical way, by looking earthward instead of skyward. Nevertheless, I’m not opposed to watching the moon. I only mean it doesn’t matter at all if you see no moon.

要点:
1.“在上海这地方怎么‘呆’得住“意即”怎么愿意住在上海这么一个糟糕的地方“,故译为People from Peiping often wonder why Shanghailanders should choose to live in such a lousy place.其中”上海人“通常译为Shanghaiinese,但由于Shanghai并不是以n结尾的词,这种译法欠妥,故沿袭了过去的方法,译为Shanghailanders
2.“一切都是这样紧张…”是北平人的看法,故增译They say…
3. “一切都这样紧张。空气是这样龌龊。走出去很难得看见树木,诸如此类,他们可以举出一大堆。”译为They say life here is so full of tension, the air so foul, and the trees so scarce, and so on and so forth.前两句句式相同,翻译时也比较容易整合为相同句式,而“走出去很难得看见树木”为了同前面两句对应,译时转换了说法即“树木很少”,译为了the trees is so scarce ,意思不变~
4.“把仰望的双眼移到地面,同样可以收到修养上的效益,而且更见切实”译为The same can be achieved in self-cultivation, and that in a more practical way, by looking earthward instead of skyward.其中“把仰望的双眼移到地面”并没有按照字面意思直译,而是译为by looking earthward instead of skyward 简单明了,且略带俏皮~本句还值得注意下被动语态的使用哦~
综述:注意第三点,看译者是如何转换说法使之和前面句式对应的~

最好的月色我也曾看过。那时在福州的乡下,地当闽江一折的那个角上。某夜,靠着楼栏直望。闽江正在上潮,受着月光,成为水银的洪流。江岸诸山略微笼罩着雾气,好像不是平日看惯的那几座山了。月亮高高停在天空,非常舒泰的样子。从江岸直到我的楼下是一大片沙坪,月光照着,茫然一白,但带点儿青的意味。不知什么地方送来晚香玉的香气。也许是月亮的香气吧,我这么想。我心中不起一切杂念,大约历一刻钟之久,才回转身来。看见蛎粉墙上印着我的身影,我于是重又意识到了我。
The moonlight I once enjoyed watching in the suburbs of Fuzhou, round a bend of the Min River, was the best I have ever seen. Over there, one night as I leaned on an upstairs railing and gazed into the distance, I was amazed to see the surging tidal water in the River sparkling like silver in the moonlight. The mountains along the river banks, enveloped in a thin mist, appeared quite different from what we had been accustomed to see. The moon was hanging leisurely high up the sky. A wide sandy beach lay stretching all the way from the riverside to where I lived, showing a vast expanse of white in the moonlight, with slight undertones of green. Suddenly the sweet fragrance of tuberoses wafted up from somewhere. It might be the sweet fragrance of the moon, I thought. I stood lost in reverie. It was not until fifteen minutes later that, turning round to see my own shadow on the plaster wall, I finally returned to my old self.

要点:
1.“最好的月色我也曾看过。那时在福州的乡下,地当闽江一折的那个角上。”意即“我看过的最好的月色是在….”故译为The moonlight I once enjoyed watching in the suburbs of Fuzhou, round a bend of the Min River, was the best I have ever seen.其中round=around,”闽江一折”即“闽江的一个弯道”。
2.“闽江正在上潮,受着月光,成为水银的洪流。”译为Over there, one night as I leaned on an upstairs railing and gazed into the distance, I was amazed to see the surging tidal water in the River sparkling like silver in the moonlight.其中over there,I…是用于视角推进的“缓冲句”(关于视角推进,详见《巷》的分析文哦~)gazed into the distance意为“望向远方”
3. “从江岸直到我的楼下是一大片沙坪,月光照着,茫然一白,但带点儿青的意味。”译为A wide sandy beach lay stretching all the way from the riverside to where I lived, showing a vast expanse of white in the moonlight, with slight undertones(寓意,弦外之音) of green.如此“散”的句子必然要整合一下进行合译啦,主语必然是“沙坪”,译文增译“延伸”并将其作为主要动词;“月光照着,茫然一白”即“在月光下显出大片的白”;“带点青的意味”译为with slight undertones of green,其中undertone意为“弦外之音,底蕴”
4v“也许是月亮的香气吧,我这么想。我心中不起一切杂念”意即“我看得出神,觉得那香气似乎来自月亮”。因此“我心中不起一切杂念”不宜按照字面直译咯,译文中译为I stood lost in reverie,其中reverie意为“幻想”
5.“我于是重又意识到了我”意即“我又变成了原来的我”译为I return to my old self, old self 意为“旧我”
综述:本段在写景上独具匠心,抒情色彩浓厚,而译文很好地还原了原文写景与写情的结合,因此除了上述句型需要注意之外,描写景物的词如:waft, envelop, sparkle, leisurely这些点睛之词,也是需要我们学习积累滴~

那样的月色如果能得再看几回,自然是愉悦的事,虽然前面我说过“即使不看也没有什么关系”。
Of course it will bring me great pleasure to see the same brilliant moonlight a few more times even though I’ve said, “ it doesn’t matter at all if you see no moon.”

要点:
1.“那样的月色”中的代词“那样”一定要明确,故译为the same brilliant moonlight,其中brilliant意为“灿烂的”
2.see no sth表示看不到,多见于文学翻译中~如:The old man looked ahead of him but he could see no sails nor could he see the hull nor the smoke of any ship.
老人朝前望去,他看不见任何帆影,看不见任何一艘船,也看不见船上所冒的烟。
综述:注意“代词明确所指”这个点~

【文章来源:沪江英语】

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