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Tropic of Cancer  北回归线-第一章第一节

I am living at the Villa Borghese. There is not a crumb of dirt anywhere, nor a chair misplaced. We are all alone here and we are dead.

现在我住在波勒兹别墅,这里找不到一点儿灰尘,也没有一件东西摆得不是地方,除了我们,这里再没有别人,我们死了。

Last night Boris discovered that he was lousy. I had to shave his armpits and even then the itching did not stop. How can one get lousy in a beautiful place like this? But no matter. We might never have known each other so intimately, Boris and I, had it not been for the lice.

昨晚鲍里斯发现他身上生了虱子,于是我只好剃光他的腋毛,可是他还是浑身发痒,住在这么漂亮的地方居然还会生虱子?不过没关系。我俩,我和鲍里斯也许永远不会彼此这样了解,若不是靠那些虱子。

Boris has just given me a summary of his views. He is a weather prophet. The weather will continue bad, he says. There will be more calamities, more death, more despair. Not the slightest indication of a change anywhere. The cancer of time is eating us away. Our heroes have killed themselves, or are killing themselves. The hero, then, is not Time, but Timelessness. We must get in step, a lock step, toward the prison of death. There is no escape. The weather will not change.

鲍里斯刚刚总结了他的看法。他是一个天气预报专家。他说,天气会继续坏下去,会有更多的灾难、更多的死人、更多的绝望。无论哪儿都没有一点儿要发生变化的迹象。时光之癌症正在吞噬我们,我们的英雄或者已经自杀,或者正在自杀。如此说来,这个英雄不是时间,却是永恒。我们必须步调一致、前仆后继地朝着死亡的监牢奔去。没法逃脱,天气也不会变。

It is now the fall of my second year in Paris. I was sent here for a reason I have not yet been able to fathom.

这是我到巴黎后的第二个秋天。我是由于某种自己至今也没能搞清的原因被人送到这儿来的。

I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive. A year ago, six months ago, I thought that I was an artist. I no longer think about it, I am. Everything that was literature has fallen from me. There are no more books to be written, thank God.

我没有钱,没有人接济,没有希望。不过我是活着的人中最快活的,一年前,半年前,我还以为自己是个艺术家。现在我可再不这么想了。与文学有关的一切都已与我无涉,谢天谢地,再也没有什么书要写了。

This then? This is not a book. This is libel, slander, defamation of character. This is not a book, in the ordinary sense of the word. No, this is a prolonged insult, a gob of spit in the face of Art, a kick in the pants to God, Man, Destiny, Time, Love, Beauty … what you will. I am going to sing for you, a little off key perhaps, but I will sing. I will sing while you croak, I will dance over your dirty corpse…To sing you must first open your mouth. You must have a pair of lungs, and a little knowledge of music. It is not necessary to have an accordion, or a guitar. The essential thing is to want to sing. This then is a song. I am singing.

那么这一本呢?这一本不算是书,它是对人格的污蔑、诽谤、中伤。就”书”的一般意义来讲,这不是一本书。不,这是无休止的亵读。是啐在艺术脸上的一口唾沫。是向上帝、人类、命运、时间、爱情、美等一切事物的裤裆里喘上的一脚。我将为你歌唱,纵使走调我也要唱。我要在你哀号时歌唱,我要在你肮脏的尸体上跳舞……若要歌唱你必须先张开嘴,你必须有一对肺叶和一点儿乐理知识。有没有手风琴或吉他均无所谓,要紧的是有想要歌唱的愿望。那么,这儿便是一首歌,我正在歌唱。

It is to you, Tania, that I am singing. I wish that I could sing better, more melodiously, but then perhaps you would never have consented to listen to me. You have heard the others sing and they have left you cold. They sang too beautifully, or not beautifully enough.

我是唱给你的,塔尼亚。我倒是希望自己能唱得更好一些、更加悦耳一些,不过那样一来你也许永远不会愿意听我唱了。你曾听过别人唱,他们都引不起你的兴趣来,他们不是唱得太好就是还不够好。

It is the twenty somethingth of October. I no longer keep track of the date. Would you say – my dream of the 14th November last? There are intervals, but they are between dreams, and there is no consciousness of them left. The world around me is dissolving, leaving here and there spots of time. The world is a cancer eating itself away… I am thinking that when the great silence descends upon all and everywhere music will at last triumph. When into the womb of time everything is again withdrawn chaos will be restored and chaos is the score upon which reality is written. You, Tania, are my chaos. It is why I sing. It is not even I, it is the world dying, shedding the skin of time. I am still alive, kicking in your womb, a reality to write upon.

这一天是十月二十几日,我已不再理会究竟是哪天了。你会说那是我去年十一月十四日做的一场梦吗?有几次间隔,不过都是在两场梦之间的,现在我已全然不记得这几次间隔中的事情了。我身边的世界在分崩离析,同时在这儿或那儿留下一块块的时间。世界是一个毒瘤,正在一口一口地吞噬自己……我在想,当无边的寂静笼罩了万物,笼罩各个角落时,音乐最终会胜利的。当万物又回到未被时间孕育出来之前的状态时,世界又一次呈现出那种混饨未开的局面,而现实正是为混饨而写的。你,塔尼亚,就是我的混沌。这便是我歌唱的缘由。快死掉的不仅仅是我,是整个世界,它要蜕去时间这层皮。我还活着,在你的子宫里踢腾,这是值得书写下来的现实。

Dozing off. The physiology of love. The whale with his six foot penis, in repose. The bat – penis libre. Animals with a bone in the penis. Hence, a bone on … "Happily," says Gourmont, "the bony structure is lost in man." Happily? Yes, happily. Think of the human race walking around with a bone on. The kangaroo has a double penis – one for weekdays and one for holidays. Dozing. A letter from a female asking if I have found a title for my book. Title? To be sure: "Lovely Lesbians."

我在打瞌睡。爱情生理学。休眠中的鲸鱼的阴茎有六英尺长。编幅—有一根无拘无束的阴茎,有些动物的阴茎里还有一根骨头,就是说,一根骨头在……古尔孟说,”幸亏人身上的骨质结构已经没有了。”幸亏?是的,幸亏,想想人类带者一根有骨头的阴茎走来走去成何体统?袋鼠有两条阴茎,一根平时用,另一根只在节假日里用。继续打着瞌睡,一个女人写封信来问我替自己的书想好书名了没有,书名,当然想好了:《可爱的女同性恋者》。

Your anecdotal life! A phrase of M. Borowski's. It is on Wednesdays that I have lunch with Borowski. His wife, who is a dried up cow, officiates. She is studying English now – her favorite word is "filthy." You can see immediately what a pain in the ass the Borowskis are. But wait …

你的充满逸事趣闻的生活!这是博罗夫斯基的话。我每个星期三同博罗夫斯基一道吃午饭,他的太太做主人。她是一头已挤不出奶的奶牛,她正在学英语,最喜欢用的词是”淫秽”。

Borowski wears corduroy suits and plays the accordion. An invincible combination, especially when you consider that he is not a bad artist. He puts on that he is a Pole, but he is not, of course. He is a Jew, Borowski, and his father was a philatelist. In fact, almost all Montparnasse is Jewish, or half Jewish, which is worse. There's Carl and Paula, and Cronstadt and Boris, and Tania and Sylvester, and Moldorf and Lucille. All except Fillmore. Henry Jordan Oswald turned out to be a Jew also. Louis Nichols is a Jew. Even Van Norden and Chérie are Jewish. Frances Blake is a Jew, or a Jewess. Titus is a Jew. The Jews then are snowing me under. I am writing this for my friend Carl whose father is a Jew. All this is important to understand.

你马上便会明白博罗夫斯基是多么难对付了。不过等一等……博罗夫斯基身着一套灯芯绒西装,会拉手风琴。这副行头真是妙极了,尤其是当你考虑到他是一个蛮不错的艺术家的时候。他开玩笑说他是波兰人,不过他当然不是。这位博罗夫斯基是个犹太人,他父亲是一个集邮家。其实几乎整个蒙帕纳斯都住着犹太人,或准犹太人,准犹太人则更糟糕了。其中包括卡尔和葆拉、克朗斯塔特和鲍里斯、塔尼亚和西尔维斯特、莫尔多夫和露西尔,除了菲尔莫全是。亨利•乔丹•奥斯瓦尔德居然也是犹太人。路易斯•尼科尔斯是犹太人,甚至范诺登和彻里也是犹太人。弗朗西丝•克莱克是个犹太人,或是犹太女人。泰特斯又是一个犹太人。这样看来犹太人简直多得不得了!

Of them all the loveliest Jew is Tania, and for her sake I too would become a Jew. Why not? I already speak like a Jew. And I am as ugly as a Jew. Besides, who hates the Jews more than the Jew?

这些人中最可爱的犹太人是塔尼亚,为了她我也愿意成为一个犹太人。为什么不呢、我已经在像犹太人一样讲话了,而且我长得像犹太人一样丑。再说,还有谁比一个犹太人更恨犹太人呢?

Twilight hour. Indian blue, water of glass, trees glistening and liquescent. The rails fall away into the canal at Jaurès. The long caterpillar with lacquered sides dips like a roller coaster. It is not Paris. It is not Coney Island. It is a crepuscular melange of all the cities of Europe and Central America. The railroad yards below me, the tracks black, webby, not ordered by the engineer but cataclysmic in design, like those gaunt fissures in the polar ice which the camera registers in degrees of black.

昏昏暗暗的时辰。靛青色,水平如镜,树木在闪光、在融化。铁轨在若雷色落进运河里了,两侧涂了漆的长长的履带车像公园里的滑行铁道一样卧着。这儿不是巴黎,不是康尼岛游乐场,这是欧洲和中美洲所有城市中尚未开化的大杂烩。楼下面的调车场里,铁轨黑糊糊的,犹如蜘蛛网一样,这不是由工程师定做的,不过设计上有大起大落的变化,像极地上荒凉的冰缝,照相机却照出深浅不同的黑色。

Food is one of the things I enjoy tremendously. And in this beautiful Villa Borghese there is scarcely ever any evidence of food. It is positively appalling at times. I have asked Boris time and again to order bread for breakfast, but he always forgets. He goes out for breakfast, it seems. And when he comes back he is picking his teeth and there is a little egg hanging from his goatee. He eats in the restaurant out of consideration for me. He says it hurts to eat a big meal and have me watch him.

食物是我最喜爱的东西之一,可是在这座漂亮的波勒兹别墅里几乎根本看不到食物,有时这毫无疑问是很可怕的。我曾三番五次央求鲍里斯买些面包当早饭,可他总是忘记。看来他是出去吃早饭的,回来时剔着牙缝,山羊胡子上还沾着鸡蛋渣。他去饭馆里吃饭纯粹是为了体谅我,他说让我在一边看着他大吃大喝很难受。

I like Van Norden but I do not share his opinion of himself. I do not agree, for instance, that he is a philosopher, or a thinker. He is cunt struck, that's all. And he will never be a writer. Nor will Sylvester ever be a writer, though his name blaze in 50,000-candle-power red lights. The only writers about me for whom I have any respect, at present, are Carl and Boris.

我喜欢范诺登,不过我不同意他对自己的看法。譬如,我不同意他自以为是哲学家或思想家这种看法。他是一个被女人迷得神魂颠倒的人,就是这样。他永远不会成为一个作家。西尔维斯特也永远成不了作家,尽管他的大名在五百支红灯的照耀下闪闪发光。目前,周围我所尊敬的作家只有卡尔和鲍里斯。

They are possessed. They glow inwardly with a white flame. They are mad and tone deaf. They are sufferers.

他们着了魔,心灵深处燃烧着炽热的火焰。他们疯了,不能分辨音调了,他们是受难者。

Moldorf, on the other hand, who suffers too in his peculiar way, is not mad. Moldorf is word drunk. He has no veins or blood vessels, no heart or kidneys. He is a portable trunk filled with innumerable drawers and in the drawers are labels written out in white ink, brown ink, red ink, blue ink, vermilion, saffron, mauve, sienna, apricot, turquoise, onyx, Anjou, herring, Corona, verdigris, gorgonzola…I have moved the typewriter into the next room where I can see myself in the mirror as I write.

莫尔多夫倒是没有发疯,不过他也在以自己的古怪方式受罪,莫尔多夫语无伦次,他没有血管。心脏和肾。他是一个便于携带的箱子,里面有无数个抽屉,每个抽屉上都贴着标签,上面的字是用白墨水、棕色墨水、红墨水、蓝墨水写的,还有朱红、橘黄、淡紫、储、杏黄、大蓝、乌黑、安如葡萄酒色、青鱼色、日冕色、铜绿色、奶酪色……我把打字机搬进隔壁一间屋里,这样写作时便可从镜子中看见自己。

Tania is like Irène. She expects fat letters. But there is another Tania, a Tania like a big seed who scatters pollen everywhere – or, let us say, a little bit of Tolstoy, a stable scene in which the fetus is dug up. Tania is a fever, too – les voies urinaires, Café de la Liberté, Place des Vosges, bright neckties on the Boulevard Montparnasse, dark bathrooms, Porto Sec, Abdullah cigarettes, the adagio sonata Pathétique, aural amplificators, anecdotal seances, burnt sienna breasts, heavy garters, what time is it, golden pheasants stuffed with chestnuts, taffeta fingers, vaporish twilights turning to ilex, acromegaly, cancer and delirium, warm veils, poker chips, carpets of blood and soft thighs. Tania says so that every one may hear: "I love him!"

塔尼亚同艾琳一样,盼望收到厚厚的信。还有一位塔尼亚,这位塔尼亚像一颗饱满的种子,把花粉传播到各处,抑或我们也可以说,这有点儿像托尔斯泰和掘出胎儿的马棚一幕。塔尼亚也是一个狂热的人,她喜欢小便的声音、自由大街的咖啡馆、孚日广尝蒙帕纳斯林荫大道上买来的颜色鲜艳的领带、昏昏暗暗的浴室、波尔图葡萄酒、阿卜杜拉香烟、感人的慢节奏奏鸣曲、扩音机,聚集在一起谈论的一些趣闻轶事,她的乳房是焦黄色的,系着沉重的吊袜带,她总问别人”几点了”,喜欢吃肚里填了栗子的金黄色的松鸡,她的手指像塔夫绸般光滑,蒸汽似的昏暗光线变成了冬青,她患有脚端肥大症、癌症和檐妄症,她的面纱热呼呼的,打赌用的筹码,铺着血红色的地毯,两条大腿软绵绵的。塔尼亚这样说以便叫人人都听见,”我爱他!”

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