10 My Retainer Has Me Bent out of Shape
(By Hana Jang)
Why are you torturing me? I thought you were supposed to be keeping my teeth straight with the benefit of no braces ! Yet I wake up every morning to see that my overbite is slowly coming back and the rows of teeth aren't aligned . Do you have any idea what I went through to get you? Now I don't think you're even helping me anymore.
First of all, I wasted two precious years of my life waiting for your arrival. Those braces were murder on my teeth. You didn't experience the pain I had to go through! Almost every week, I replaced my old wires, got a tighter one with a chain of rubber bands, and an additional two rubber bands to fix my overbite. By getting braces, I had the "wonderful" opportunity to choose from a wide variety of soups. The categories stretched from tomato soup to clam chowder to delicious mushroom soup. For two years, 104 weeks, 728 days, soup became more than 90 percent of my diet. What do I have to show for my sacrifice? The object in repayment for my hurt is a hunk of plastic that doesn't really aid me in any way.
I will admit that you kept my teeth in order for a few months. However, recently I think you're snoozing on the job. After brushing my teeth and slipping you on, I see that you don't even fit correctly over my teeth anymore. During some nights, you don't even stay on the whole time. I wake up some days and feel nothing in my mouth. Then I have to take more time to thoroughly search my bed to see where you've hidden yourself. Do you realize how frustrated I am?
Don't even get me started on how you affect my language. If I were to say this sentence: "Can you pass me the bottle of water?" it would come out sounding like, "Ken you peth me the ball of wudu?" Now I don't even attempt saying words like rewind, reconnect, replay or anything else that starts with "re". In general, you steal my ability to talk efficiently. In math class, I stand up in front of the students trying to explain a math equation , but do you know what comes out of my mouth? It's just a string of mumbled words and I have to use all my strength enunciating the repeated explanation. The ridicule I get from my friends is almost unbearable. My ears practically ache when I hear them mimicking my incorrect pronunciation. I can't stand it anymore!
You better shape up or I'll have to take action. I won't allow this kind of insolence anymore. I wash you, clean you and take care of you, yet this is how you repay me? I don't understand why it's so difficult for you to do something for me in return. If this continues, I'll be forced to replace you with something better.
Wanting some changes.