Here are true facts about the land snail.The land snail is just like a tiny human who happens to look like a disembodied tongue,And is covered in mucus.And has a shell.The land snail breathes air just like the peoples do and it eats with its mouth hole.Its bottom pair of tentacles offer smelling while its top pair offer crude seeing.It is however born without ears,which makes hearing difficult.Impossible,really.They're Deaf.
这是关于蜗牛的一些事实真相。蜗牛就好比一个小人 恰巧外形像是一根脱离人体的舌头。而且还裹着鼻涕脓。还有一个壳。蜗牛呼吸空气就和人类一样 而且同样靠嘴巴吃饭。它用下方的一对触角来闻气味 上方的一对勉强解决视力问题。然而它却没有耳朵使得听觉大打折扣。完全不可能 真的。它们是聋子。
But in all other ways,they're exactly like a tiny human being who happens to have a peins next to his face.And a vagina.Most land snails are hermaphodites meaning they have both mommy parts and daddy parts.This however does not mean that they can self baby make.When they mate,land snails circle around one another.Think full body French kiss,but with more mucus.
不过总的来说 它们完全就是缩小版的人类啊 只不过恰巧在脸旁边长了根阴茎。还有个阴道。大多数的蜗牛都是雌雄同体 这意味着父母大人有的器官它们都有。但这并不是说它们就可以自己和自己 生宝宝。在交配的时节 蜗牛彼此之间会互相打探。想象一下全身心的法式舌吻 外加粘稠鼻脓。
As they do this,they're looking for opportunities to impale each other with their love darts.I wish this was a metaphor,but it's not.They actually have love darts.like actual darts.It's crazy.Land snails have a totally different level of kinky.These calcified darts,which look totally bad ass,are stored in the snail's dart sac,located right below the penis.When the darts impale the mate,they inhibit spermicidal secretions which makes the next part more effective.
在这一过程中 它们会等待最佳时机用爱神之箭射进对方身体。我希望这只是个比喻 但它不是。它们真的是有爱神之箭。就像弓箭一样 太暴力了。蜗牛的恶趣味等级和其他物种不同。这些石化的爱箭 好凶残好狂野，它们被存放在蜗牛的箭囊之中 位于阴茎下方。当爱箭射入伴侣体内时它会抑制对方的精虫杀手 这会使得之后的过程更高效。
After a spirited darting,the snails insert their penises into each other's vaginas and then the just hang out.and try not to laugh,because that might hurt the other snail's fellings.Even if all the junk is right there in your face,it's not nice to laugh.The snail holds onto sperm for multiple partners before fertilizing its eggs which makes paternity tests a bitch.The eggs are then laid into top soil and soon baby snails emerge.Thus completing the spiral of life.
在一顿乱箭飞舞之后蜗牛会把自己的阴茎插入彼此的阴道中 之后就开始刷无聊图。而且还不能笑 因为这样会伤害到小伙伴的感情。就算你的眼前是一堆鸡鸡你也不应该笑场。在给它的蛋受精之前蜗牛会积攒多位小伙伴的精虫 这样你就不知道是哪个爹被坑了。之后蜗牛会把卵产在土壤里不久小蜗牛就孵化了.至此也就完成了绳命的螺旋。
See what I did there?Spiral of ...oh God,kill me.So next time you get anxious about sex or sexuality remember that when you meet someone you find attractive at least you don't have to worry about a dart getting shot into your head.
看我都说了啥？螺旋。。。尼玛我去吃屎吧。下次如果你对性爱产生了焦虑 记住当你遇见自己心仪的对象时 至少你不用担心对方深藏弓和箭。